Prodigal Daughter
“And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners and eateth with them.” | Luke 15:2, KJV
I’m grateful that Jesus received and still receives me. I am grateful that Jesus encourages me to eat when I don’t feel like eating. In the past, when I read or listened to the story of the prodigal son, my impression was that it relayed the story of the unbeliever who had no idea that he/she is actually a member of God’s family. Since my excursion outside the bounds of the familial household, I have come to realize that “The Prodigal Son” story relates to believers who lose sight of their identity and inheritance while in the Father’s house.
I received Christ as my Lord and Savior toward the end of my senior year of high school. My heart’s desire changed from a self-centered point of view to a Christ-centered one: I really just loved people and I wanted the Lord to be pleased with my life. In my search to know Christ better, I began reading the Bible and likewise began to understand some things. As I read, I became increasingly aware of my shortcomings and prayed for transformation in those areas. Though uncomfortable, this tension was fruitful because my heart was set on loving Christ. However, the more I began to serve in Christian leadership, the more my shortcomings overwhelmed me. As a leader, I began to unknowingly mix my love for God with a self-serving attitude, including, but not limited to, performing “good” deeds begrudgingly (as a leader I felt I couldn’t say ‘no,’ so I performed good deeds because I thought it was expected of me, but love was the missing ingredient in my actions). Also lying beneath a considerable portion of my actions was a desire to be recognized by my peers. That, combined with habits that were more difficult for me to renew my mind from, left me feeling defeated and used while living as a Christian. I didn’t understand why my Christian life seemed so colored with defeat when I was supposed to have victory.
“How can you be a Christian and do this? How can you be a Christian and say that?” These would be the thoughts that unraveled in my mind about myself. I was also convinced that other people thought similarly of me when I confessed my shortcomings to them. Eventually, I stopped confessing. When people asked how my walk (with the Lord) was going, I simply adopted generic Christian responses to avoid getting too deep with people I didn’t trust. Likewise, confounding thoughts would consume me about my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. How they could treat me a certain way and why they seemed to get away with things I felt I would be smited by God for, or shunned by man for, left me grappling with the thought, “is God good?” I didn’t think so. I was afraid of Him and my love was souring. I felt embittered toward God and man.
I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see Jesus or Father God rightly because of my deep-seated bitterness and fear—and that terrified me. As hard as I fought my feelings, the thoughts remained. I could not make myself see clearly. Before I became conscious of what was brewing in my heart, I heard the Lord tell me in worship to resign from all leadership positions in my Christian fellowships. I did not understand. The thought of me resigning from those positions made no sense to me. I thought that because I had intentional worship time and read my Bible twice a day, that my relationship with God was in good shape—that I was fine. However, I couldn’t shake that it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I left all but one fellowship because the fear of missing out (FOMO) was so strong in me. My FOMO almost kept me holding on to the things and people I needed to let go of in order to see and hear my Heavenly Father clearly.
It was now my senior year of college and I was no longer tethered to my leadership positions. I refused accountability because I felt abused by the people I had served with and wanted nothing to do with them or Christians in general. I downright ignored people’s text messages and phone calls. I did not want to be bothered living in a community of people who were constantly rubbing me the wrong way. “I was the victim and now I am free!” At least, that’s what I thought.
“And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.” | Luke 15:14, KJV
Really, I was in bondage. I couldn’t see my captivity because it was hidden from me in the guise of my victim mentality. During my final fall semester, I dabbled in my newfound “freedom.” I chose selfishness outright because it was time for me to focus on me and what I like to do. I was involved socially and finally doing better academically. My theme song for the year probably would have been “Can’t Tell Me Nothin,’” word to Kanye. Outwardly, I seemed to have moved on, but inwardly I was as stuck as I was before. My heart was aching, and life seemed so lackluster. Life, and living according to my own desires, did not taste as sweet and as fresh as I had imagined, but instead tasted bitter and stale. I knew God was the missing link, but I couldn’t figure out how to make the next move. I was stuck.
With the beginning of the spring semester, I was only beginning to see how deep the pit of despair had become. It was now apparent to me that I was on my last leg. I began making appearances at parties and drinking to forget my worries. Holy Spirit would gently say, “you don’t belong here,” and in response I would drink a little more to drown out His words. Every morning was a struggle to get out of bed, and every night was a struggle to fall asleep. Attacked with thoughts of deep sadness and anxiety, I just felt defeated, but had to keep on a straight face because—crazily enough—people were still coming to me for prayer and encouragement. I didn’t understand it and wanted to deter people from doing that because I was ashamed of how far I had visibly fallen. I think through those times God was affirming me, saying that I was still His child, despite me feeling orphaned.
“And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before thee. And am no longer worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.” Luke 15: 17-19, KJV
It was time to graduate and get to work. After graduation I began working in New York City. In this new environment, I purposed in my heart not to forsake fellowship with my brothers and sisters. Attending church and small group regularly encouraged my own repentance and desire to be honest with the Lord. I was surrounded by people who loved me back into the arms of Jesus. In retrospect, the Father loved me back into the family. By December, I was floored by the miracle Christ had done within me. A year ago, I was angry with God and His people. I did not want to be around either. A year later, my heart sees God as who he says He is, “a good Father,” and my fellow believers as my brothers and sisters. Though my family is not perfect, it’s truly okay because: (a.) neither am I; and (b.) the places where they are both strong and weak will encourage my perfecting to be more like Jesus, which is the goal. It’s miraculous, but only God could have transformed my perspective the way He has. I firmly believe that for me, it had to happen this way. If not, I probably would have been too prideful to see that God is truly who He says He is, and that He alone gives the increase.
Truly, everyone’s relationship and process with God occurs differently. There is no use comparing or criticizing. I implore those who read this to pray for people you don’t understand, especially if they profess to be saved. Pray for them sincerely because they could very well be in grave need of compassion. For those in a dark place like I was, or enjoying worldly delights that leave you feeling exhausted and anxious, I pray that you will see Abba rightly. His love for you makes Him sensitive to your faint desire for Him, even when you are far from Him. Compassion motivates Him to run towards you, to embrace you with His tender-loving kindness and mercy, even if you strongly believe you don’t deserve it (Luke 15:20-24). It’s okay, His love is actually for the undeserving.
Forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself: Hi, my name is Katrina, and I am the prodigal son…or rather, the prodigal daughter.
![True Life: I didn't wake up like this [The story before the glory]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/54a8ad21e4b0970e0f17e95e/1458530765987-MU6NSV2IF1WIBGDN75J5/The+Story%281%29.png)
A Testimony of His Grace
By: Samuel Akinribade
One of the best feelings in the world is when your hard work pays off. Think about it – remember when you practiced so many times to tie your shoe, and you finally got it? Or when you pulled an all-nighter to study for a test that you got an A on? Ahh, that feeling of achievement when hard work finally pays off. I wish I could link that feeling to the testimony of me graduating from college in three and half years. Actually, I do not wish that. My testimony of my college experience is one that could not have happened without the intervention of a good good Father. I was someone that went from graduating high school with a 2.3 grade point average to graduating college with honors. This cannot be easily mistaken for MY hard work. So, if you are expecting to hear the story of me working really hard until I finally got to see my hard work pay off, sorry, this is not the article to read. This is a documentation of what the Lord did for me. And oh, no I will not just sit here and over-spiritualize my testimony and say it was faith, faith, faith, but it also took corresponding action for me to see my goals become reality.
My passion to excel in academics was sparked in my junior year in high school. I remember it like it was yesterday –- year 2011. I had the strong desire to succeed in academics because I wanted to attend my dream university – University of Maryland. Yes, that was a dream of mine that was placed on hold because of the commodity of the academic world, that dreadful grade point average. By the time I was enlightened about the importance of getting a great GPA, it was a little too late to get the GPA I desperately wanted. So, I graduated high school with a low GPA and ended up attending a school that I never considered. Seeing the reaction of my parents, after telling them my decision to enroll at the magnificent UMES, I knew I had to devise a game plan. And yes, I love my UMES – Hawk PRIDE!!! Back to the story. My parents urged me to come up with a two year game plan which prioritized on me transferring to my dream school. I came up with the game plan and had it all figured out. I was well on my way to going to my dream school after all.
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”
Psalm 19:21 NIV
I went into my first semester with great expectation and great confidence. I asked the Lord for two simple things: to graduate school early and to never fail/drop a class. A lot of people, to this, day ask me, “why were you in a rush to graduate?” My answer is simply this: I wanted to be in position for God to do something monumental in my life. I did not want to rush the process of school, nor was it because I did not like UMES and wanted to leave as soon as possible, but I had the intentions of graduating early and the Lord answered the desire of my heart. The summer before my actual official semester on the UMES campus, I received some bad advice from my academic advisor. The advice was so bad, it almost caused me to fail a class that I did not need. Praise be to God, I did not fail. Everything worked out for my good. But, man oh man, did I learn a valuable lesson. Even if you get promising advice from somebody, always remember to commit the plan back to God. From there on, I followed my degree audit and continued to press on.
With a 3.5 GPA, after my first year of college, I applied to the honors program and got admitted. Not only was I an honor student, but I was a student that was going to school for free. Yes indeed, they gave me a scholarship. I was very excited for that academic year. Everything was going well, good grades and free schooling, what could beat that? To get a well-paid internship was next on my bucket list. Although I got opportunities to interview at a couple of governmental agencies for accounting, I was turned down by every single one because of my age. Sucks to be young, right? The only internship that considered me, actually denied me because of issues concerning distance. That situation ignited my passion to apply to UMD. I applied and guess what? I got in. Man, was I excited to know I would be in a university where my friends are and I’d be able to work towards my career. After a series of unfortunate events, I was not able to attend UMD. I went back to UMES with great sorrow. Not because of the school, but because I was limited to a school that was 2 hours away.
But the Lord encouraged me through dreams and through people. He wanted to answer my prayer of graduating early and never failing a class. On going back to UMES, I met the manifested plans of the Lord. Things and doors began to open up for me; I got offered an internship from a government agency, I met a campus organization called Bethel Campus Fellowship, where I became a leader, taking my walk to a whole different level, and I was in great shape of graduating early. And I still had my scholarship from the honors program. “It ain’t so bad.” *Rocky Balboa's voice*
“Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing; You hold my future. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.”
Psalm 19:5-6 HCSB
Prior to my senior year, I thought the blessing of God was so great. Little did I know, that was the beginning of more blessings. Fast-forward to my senior year. The Lord favored me in ways and opportunities I couldn’t even imagine. At this point, the Lord gave me a great internship position with the federal government. I was also nominated to participate in a university sales competition. I did not desire to partake in this competition but wanted to honor the director of career services, so I did and God gave me the grace to win. The winner was offered a chance to land a position with a fortune 500 company. God opened opportunities for me to get a full time position at different places. The Lord gave me options. Not only that! The Lord has given me the opportunity to matriculate at the school that I dreamed to attend. Glory to Jesus!! I am in total awe of what God is able to do. I never feared because I knew God was at my right hand. My senior year was a year of rest. God made academics easy for me, He did that so I could focus on doing His will on campus. I am here to declare to you that God is surely able to do that which He said He will do. Because of the promise He has given me through that Psalm, I was able to find the encouragement to keep responding to the faith He has placed inside of me.
“I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor can anything be taken from it, for God does it so that men will fear and worship Him [with awe-filled reverence, knowing that He is God].”
Ecclesiastes 3:14 AMP
My college experience is summed up into this very verse. God did a thing in my life and in that, no plan of mine nor of my parents, was able to contribute or negate the perfect plan that my Heavenly Father had planned for me. Looking back at all of this gave me a deeper reverence for the Lord. Through my experience I came to learn three things about God: 1) God is more than able to do that which we ask of Him, 2) Despite the situations and hardship that occur, God is a God that keeps to His word, and lastly, 3) if you commit yourself and your plans unto the Lord and trust Him with your whole heart, He will do exceedingly and abundantly more than you could ever plan because He is our hope of Glory. I encourage you to truly commit your plans unto the Lord and stand on the word that He shared or will share with you and just BELIEVE…
Samuel Akinribade is a recent graduate of University of Maryland, Eastern Shore with a Bachelors of Arts in Accounting. In his free time, Sam enjoys playing the guitar and experiencing life with his friends.
I Didn’t Really Get Straight As: How God Changed my Grades
By: Winnie Monu
Permit me to debunk the preconceived notion of that title by stating, yes, I did in fact obtain Straight As – and only by the grace of God.
2015 was not the easiest year for me. March was the “beginning of the end,” as I used to call it, as that was the month everything that was “perfect” in my life was pulled from right underneath my feet. It was one of my darkest moments, as I dealt with who I was, thus being catapulted into God's presence desperate for Him to fix it.
What is it?
Everything.
A broken relationship, freedom from past pain, fear of the future and oh of course, the present – my grades.
So, on March 22, I had enough. After having quiet time with God, I became mad. I know. That’s an oxymoron. A paradox. God is the peaceful safe haven we run to. We give our yoke for His (Matthew 11:28-29). We’re supposed to come to Him upset and leave happy. Well, I came broken and left a soldier. Ever heard of Holy Anger? I had some and I was ready for war. I was sick of crying, and asking God, why me? And the only way I knew how to fight was through prayer.
During my quiet time, I reminded God of every story, I could think of, in the bible of where He had moved in the impossible – Gideon (Judges 6), Daniel’s prayer (Daniel 9:3), Joshua (Joshua 1:9), and Isaiah (Isaiah 45:2)– I ended my winded rant with God and said,
“If You can do it for them, You can do it for me. You promised me that You don’t lie. The moment that happens I’m closing my bible and turning away from Christianity. So fix this.”
Yes, I had an audacious Olivia Pope moment, but God handled things far better than an over-hyped fictional character ever could. And yes, grace is very sufficient as God allowed me to remain alive after speaking to Him with such fervor and tenacity. I plead with you to not use this as an opportunity to speak to God anyhow!
But I did not care. God does say, “Come boldly before my throne;present your case to me and let us reason” (Hebrews 4:16, Isaiah 41:21)And I did. I proceeded to write down everything on my heart that I knew I needed for God to move in. And, unashamedly, the very first point I wrote was “Straight A’s in my academics.”
As a then junior, I knew what my anticipated post-graduation plans were, but my grades didn’t match those dreams. For someone as myself who effortlessly glided through High School with Straight A’s all 4 years, I never saw anything less than a 4.0 on my report card.
For those who know what it means to attend a public Ivy League or a commonly known institute, such as University of Maryland, College Park, you know why we attribute that informal prestige to ourselves. University of Maryland is where many high school scholars, like myself, are humbled within their first semesters as a student. It was in 2012, the year I matriculated to college, that the universities board decided to up the antsy and implement the plus/minus system. What possessed them to do such, till today we Terps may never know. But it happened, and I joined everyone else and studied the way I knew how.
But that was the problem. I didn’t know how to study. So I assumed no physical homework meant one of two things: I chose a great major that had little to no homework or I had more time for sleep. The combination of the two soon resulted in a stark, harsh reality leading to failure, as my first semester grades became the combination of the first three letters of the alphabet. I soon learned the truth behind, “There’s always something to do for a class even if you have no homework – read ahead.”
Backtrack to March 22, 2015: I knew enough was enough. After writing down a few things that I was trusting God for, I put the pen down and got to work. Unfortunately, after that semester I did not get Straight A's, but I did proudly make Dean’s List with a 3.67 gpa.
After I had cleaned my room of all textbooks, I found the same list that I had written earlier in the semester. I quickly skimmed the list and laughed at the eight audacious requests I wrote to God and said, “Well God, maybe it is impossible to get Straight A’s at University of Maryland.” And I put the paper back down.
Some months later, the movie that many Christians, like myself, rushed to watch in anticipation – War Room – stirred a new fire in me. After seeing it with a girlfriend of mine, I went home and heard the Holy Spirit say, “revisit that list you wrote, keep it in plain view, and watch Me move. My timing is not your timing.” So I did. I thumb tacked my list to the wall in my closet and used that as my reminder.
Fall semester began and proved to be one of the hardest semesters of my life, as I believe I was spiritually attacked at so many strategic times. These attacks always seemed to happen right before an exam. There were days, I would be studying and I would be presented with some bad news that shifted my whole mood right before an exam.
Surprisingly, this was also the semester I decided to do more – in everything. For the first time, I led a women’s connect group, remained a research assistant, held office as President of the School of Public Health Dean’s Committee, worked as an resident assistant, all while challenging my sanity to take an 18 credit course load.
Through the hype of all my obligations, I found myself doing the opposite of my responsibilities. There were days I would watch John Gray messages on YouTube rather than write a paper. Nights before an exam, I would prefer to journal in my quiet time and eventually fall asleep! It just seemed like I wanted to do everything else, but schoolwork.
Those who know me closely know I have a very unorthodox way of studying. Please don’t copy me.
Finals came and my confidence level to easily pass one of my classes, Family Law, exam was quickly plateaued once I finished the exam. I left knowing I didn’t do so well. I didn’t study. I relied on my own ability to just wing it and possibly end with an A in the class, but I was greatly mistaken. I indeed failed. I got a 16/33 –( for those who tried to reach for a calculator, it’s a 48%).I had never scored anything that low in my life. I couldn’t even cry; I was numb. My 96% in that class dropped to an 85.3%.
As soon as I was about to accept my grade for what it was, God gently said, “study as hard for every other exam and make this your only B. And after, ask for what you want.” So I did. I put the laziness behind and studied for every other exam as if my life depended on it.
After the first set of exams, I kept feeling edgy, and God repeated the latter part of what he said to me, “Ask for what you want.” I challenged God and said, ‘how? It’s impossible. Final exams are final and my grade is a B, there’s nothing she’s going to do, my professor is a Lawyer! If I email her with anything, she’ll shut me down because lawyers know email threads could get them in trouble.
But God gently reminded me,
“I have already gone ahead of you, ask for what you want.
So I boldly did. I asked myself,“what’s the most she could do? Say ‘no.” I initially requested if I could see my exam grade (hoping that if I stared at it long enough and acted dumbfounded, she would mysteriously do something in my favor) and second, if it was possible to re-do my final exam. Crazy, I know.
She declined the latter. But God! God used my work ethic in her class throughout the semester as leverage. He went above and beyond,reminding her of how well I had done throughout the semester and by His grace, she went ahead and changed my grade to an A-!
I honestly believe that had I not been humbled by this exam grade and listened to the first part of God’s instruction to “study as hard for every other exam and make this [my] only B,” I would have taken my other classes for granted and not studied hard enough.
At the end of finals, I look at my grades and I thank God for achieving straight A’s, but those who know me know I like to push myself and I wasn’t too satisfied. My straight A’s was not a 4.0 as the plus/minus system, for lack of better words, doesn’t let us be great.
But as I was thanking God for my grades and reflecting back, He whispered, “you did not ask me for a 4.0, you asked me for Straight A’s.” Wow!! I started laughing with God because he was so right! My God is a God of humor.
I’ve discovered these lessons through my journey in 2015:
1. In the words of the recent SnapChat sensation, DJ Khaled, “the key to success”…is God.
2. The power of being Specific. I look at my grades and I thank God I did in fact get Straight A’s, but my straight A’s was not a 4.0. Be specific in everything that you ask God for.
3. There is treasure in your darkest moments.
4. Be authentic with God. He already knows what’s on your heart might as well just say it – and write it down!
5. God is still in the business of doing the impossible.
I encourage you, as we begin 2016, to write down everything you are holding onto God for and watch him move.
And at the end may you say, for this reason, _____________________ I put God first.
Winnie Monu attends University of Maryland, College Park, as a Bio-chem & Family Science major. Her hobbies when she's not focused on her new business, TruthbTold, she's exploring new places.
ZONETTA
“If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”
John 8:36
Let no other name, but the name of The Lord, alone, be praised, and given the glory!
I don’t know why, but I just been feeling pushed to share this testimony any chance I can get. My name is Zonetta, but I go by Zo and proudly would love to scream that Christ has freed me from 11 years of pornography addiction. 11 years?! Yes my friend, you heard correctly, 11 years. It started in the third grade and glory be to God officially ended at the beginning of my sophomore year of college.
As a child, I was always very curious and eager to learn about new things and it just so happens that there was this sex book in my house that I found one day and I thought the things in the book to be interesting. If that wasn’t bad enough, I also one day saw a DVD in the living room and I popped it in. To my surprise, let’s just say it looked interesting.
As I grew up, I found out more and my interest soon progressed from the little black porn book to late night television porn. You know late nights on HBO, there are always very raunchy uncut movies. With the movie package we had, they were made available to me and I tried to watch them every chance I could get.
Then, when I was in the sixth grade, I started actively watching Pornography DVDs and looking at pornographic magazines, which were easily accessible being again they were in my house. As we got a computer and I learned the ropes of it I discovered Anime video game porn, but soon that faded and I upgraded to X sites, but still around this time my primary source of Entertainment was Porn DVDs and late night movies. My mind was so polluted!
When I entered into the 8th grade, I got saved but still struggled with watching pornography. I was not actively watching porn everyday but would fall like 1-2 times in a month, or every two months. I felt so displeasing to God and always condemned when I fell, and like the Good Father He is, when I fell He would always calls me back with loving-Kindness, but I would be too ashamed to answer. Instead I would rebel in my shame. I always felt like I was the only one who was struggling with pornography so I kept it to myself, and I believed that God would deliver me. When I was in the 10-11th grade and for almost a year I was free and flourishing, but then I fell one day. By this time I was only falling once a year or so, but my struggle finally ended in 2013. I remembered the last time I watched Porn; God gave me the strength to overcome my flesh and say No for good. My deliverance would have been much sooner if I would have only listen to the still quiet voice trying to pull me out instead of listening to the enemy's voice of lies and rebelling in shame. Glory be unto God because I'm free and I am never going back, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is Good and only in Him can all my needs be fulfilled!
What really helps is reading your word, and staying in the presence of God and having that intimacy with God; strengthen your Spirit man! Please if you hear His voice, do not harden your heart, yield to his voice, the Lord desires to fulfill the great plans He has in your life for you! I also advise you to know your identity in Christ and know that you are victorious because of what He did for us on Calvary! The devil will try to get you to think that you’re the only one who is going through this but indeed he is a liar and the father of all lies and you can definitely do all things through Christ who strengthens you and you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Get plugged in with genuine believers who can help you through this struggle. One important thing I learned through this is how important discipleship is, especially to the new convert. Having a mentor would have been very beneficial to help me in my walk with Christ. Know that in Christ alone is your fulfillment and abundant life.
To God be the Glory now and Forever.
JUM THE SAYAIN
“When You said “Seek my face,” my heart said, “Your face, I will seek.”
—Psalms 27:8
Hey, my name is Jummy (a.k.a. Jummy Blazington/Jumster/Jum the Sayain)
My life is pretty interesting: my past is pretty jacked up; my future plans aren't really there; and presently, I’m just drifting like a leaf in autumn. That was corny, I know, but take a listen:
I’m not supposed to be alive. My mom literally walked off the abortion table while she was pregnant with me. Out of the fear of me being labeled a bastard, her family members urged her to do away with the pregnancy before it was too late. But God is tight. He had her push through and keep me. Not too long after I was born, my mom played the Visa Lottery and won. Heh! What are the odds of my mother, the youngest of seven, the only one of her siblings without a spouse, to win the Visa Lottery, which would permit her and me to come to America.
As a youngster in America, I was quickly exposed to a lot of yuck. From the influence of family friends, and just life, I became a habitual liar, later on a thief, and soon after, a porn-addict. I had my first sexual encounter with a female at about the age of 6 or 7. It was with a babysitter, during a game of house. The second encounter probably came a few weeks after at daycare; the third, only a few days after. So before I actually knew what sex was, I had gotten relatively close to it three times. This cultivated a sex drive, likely, way before the appointed or publicly accepted time.
In the latter years of primary school, I began to have self-esteem issues. There wasn't a friend I had that I didn't end up fighting with, physically or verbally. I was always around those considered "popular", but I was never one of them. And although I was cool with the females I liked, I didn't have the confidence or really just the belief that I could talk to them. I saw myself as an ugly, short, dark-skinned, weird, and not well dressed boy. I know. I sucked right?
I believe three lusts followed after my three sexual encounters as a child. A lust for the female body, lust for sex, and a lust to be known. All three of these lusts were temporarily satisfied through porn and molestation of some of the younger females I was allowed to be around without adult supervision. At the age of 11, I got introduced to internet porn and masturbation, and man did that take my life away. Watching porn and masturbating allowed for me to escape reality and be with females who didn't know me. Although, they revealed their every being to me, and allowed me to simulate having sex with them, I still wasn't satisfied. I had to get it. But I was in a tough situation; I didn't know how to get it, aside from the females who I could easily take advantage of. So, I did just that. Most of them didn't know what I was doing, they didn't know I was defiling the pure bodies and intoxicating their minds. But I didn't know much better. I knew it was wrong, I just couldn't help it.
So when I got into high school, those situations had stopped, but the desire for a female sex-partner didn't. I got into high school, and quickly developed the mindset that "If I look like a badass, and talk like one, chicks will dig me." And I walked with this mindset from the summer of my ninth grade year probably up until the end of my junior year. And I think it worked, to a tee. I surely became more liked among females (the looks had started coming in), but I still wasn't getting what I wanted, so pornography remained a faithful partner.
I started dating a younger girl at the end of my sophomore year, she was an incoming freshmen. She wasn't going to give it up to me, plus her close cousin was one of my closer friends. But I developed the belief that I was in control in the relationship, and she'd do almost anything I wanted, apart from sex. My taste in the relationship quickly turned sour, I wasn't satisfied and just was tired of it. I broke up with her, and left with scars. Later on that year, I began dating a female, who I thought I truly loved. We were very much alike, in our tastes of music, fashion, and people (three aspects of life I love dearly), and she provided a same-aged partner who was willing to experiment with me. But this “love” I had for her, quickly revealed to be infatuation tattooed with lust of what she gave me.
The relationship ended in an interesting fashion: we graduated high school all lovey-dovey, but by July our talks were stale and more unfruitful than ever. We broke up on the morning of July 7th, 2012. Two hours after the heart aching break up, a man and his wife provided me with a prophecy that encouraged me beyond measures, all for simply holding the door for him and his wife. He said "You see this boy; he's gonna be something great in life. I can see it!" Talk about turning a frown upside down. I left the library practically cheesing over those words. And God would have it that later on that night; my church's Youthfest Conference was taking place. By the time that event was over, I found myself crying and confessing a love to Jesus that I never knew I had.
It was that night I chose to begin seeking God. It was that very night that my heart awakened to seek His face. From then on, a love that SURPASSES ALL knowledge has governed my life and a peace that PASSES ALL understanding has been with me. I've been delivered from pornography, lying, bitterness, self-hatred, malice, depression, immaturity, and many other things...yet I'm still being delivered from much (cause y'know I'm still a wreck, but God's got it!).
I know who I am: I am Jummy O. A young son of God, who is crazy loaded [with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3) and everything pertaining to life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3)], I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)...All of this through Christ. I am goofy, loving, powerful, attractive, intelligent, and inspiring. But I can go on and on about me (as I’ve done here), but you probably won’t get the fullness of where I’m coming from until you experience this truth: "Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for you. He took all your ugliness, all your yuck, just so you could become presentable to God."
So in the midst of all my rambling, I encourage you to say "Yes" to God, even if you have already, say it one more time and allow His suffocating love to overtake you. Thank you and May God bless you real good.
With that glorious love,
-Jum the Sayain.
ASUSEYI
"Pastor. I'm going to need more than two minutes for this testimony."
My name is Asuseyi Daniyan. I graduated from Morgan State University in May 2013 with a Bachelors in Physical Education with a concentration in physical therapy. During my senior year, I really had tons of obstacles to deal with such as financial aid, maxed out loans, dropped classes, finding an internship, being told I can't graduate because of one class and so much more. I thank God for getting me through those obstacles, but my main testimony comes from the job search afterwards.
May 18, 2013
I aspire to become a physical therapist one day, so I was basically looking for a rehab tech job. From the time I graduated last year until now, I have been searching for work. I have been to interview after interview, but I received nothing. It got to the point when I started to wonder if this is what I supposed to be doing. I started to compare myself to others. (Big mistake) My good sister Nicole said it best "Everyone has their own season". I felt so defeated that I was just thinking of settling for something easier to obtain.
The crazy thing is that the day before I got the call about the job, I was telling my brother that I don't even care about physical therapy that much. I was really just tired of the rejection. But the next day, I got the call that I got the job and that I will have the choice to switch to full time within a couple of weeks. My father told me a while back that we pray for the best for you, so when you get rejected that means that the job is not the best for you and I truly see the fulfillment of the prayer. This job has better hours and better pay than the ones I have been rejected from. This trial really increased my faith. From now on whatever I have as my number one on my list is what I will pursue, I will pray and I won't settle. I just love the way God works.
ANONYMOUS
A while back, I went to the doctors because my period was irregular. Ever since I started my menstrual cycle, I would get it in one month and not get anything until about 3-4 months after. Since I just started, my mom thought it would get regular the more I grew up, but little did she know. For awhile, it remained the same, but with the irregular cycles, it was also extremely heavy and lasted for long periods of time. I remember being on my period for 30 days straight! Fortunately with this, I did not feel any pain at all like most females do.
Due to how weird this was, we went to the doctors and after a bunch of x-ray's and CT scans she told me I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).
"PCOS is a problem in which a woman's hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS also may cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it isn't treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease" (webmd.com).
My doctor told me that I would have to get on birth control pills and some medication for diabetes, which will help balance my hormones. Even though we got the medication, I decided I was not going to take them because that meant I accepted the sickness and my mom agreed with me, so we kept praying. I went to the 2014 Bethel Campus Fellowship conference from February 7th -9th, 2013 and I got my period on February 8th and for the first time ever my period was over in a week. It was not as heavy as it usually was and it felt regular. I praised God and I accepted my healing.
The next month my period came again on the 8th and lasted for about a week. At this point, I knew my healing was complete and I just praise God for restoring me and knowing I will have no problems with conceiving (when the time comes). I had prayed for this for a while and sometimes I accepted that this was how my life was going to be, but God proved me wrong. Just because my prayers were not answered when I wanted them to did not mean it was not in God's plan for me to be healed. I encourage everyone waiting on the Lord for something to keep having faith. He will answer in time :)
-Signed Unknown aka "Luke 8:44"
KRISTINE
A huge part of my past was a struggle with severe depression. Throughout my struggle, I had a horrible self-image, and to deal with that, I fell into smoking weed and self mutilation. I lived two different lifestyles. When I was at school, I was bubbly and cheery and always made people laugh. I was always told that I had a bright future and that I was going to somehow change people around me. People told me that I was going to be a world changer in some way or another because of my personality and talents that I was blessed with. Those words were the hardest for me to swallow. I became someone else when I would get home. I would lock myself in my room and just feed myself with lies. I was ugly. I was not beautiful. I would never be loved. Yes, I had family. I had some really good friends. I even dated, and those guys who stayed with me went through utter hell. They didn't understand why I did the things I did. Nobody did. I would just go home and begin slicing up my skin because I was so angry. I got some kind of cheap release out of putting myself through torment. I was out of control.
After awhile, these “coping skills” that I had developed just weren't enough. Something in me couldn't handle everything that was going on around me, and I snapped. I had suicidal thoughts for a while, and one day, I decided enough was enough. I went home after school and saw my mom wasn't home, and decided that day was the day. I searched the house and found every pill bottle I could and emptied them out onto the counter.
But after Jesus came in and fixed me up, I became a whole new person. I realized I didn't have to try to take control of situations through substances and self-hurt. Taking all my frustrations and sorrows to Jesus was so much more fulfilling than any razor blade. But, it’s not until we hand over those things to God that we can be liberated from those demons. This includes total surrender. And even though suffering is the worst, it’s still sometimes hard to hand over the way that we have learned to cope with the world around us.
But, God wants to help us. God wants to mend us. God wants us to look to Him rather than hurtful idols.
I’m begging anyone who reads this to reach out to people they know are hurting and show them that Jesus is better. I pray that anyone struggling with depression reaches out for help. I would never wish the pain or the hurt I went through on anyone. Even if you’re alone reading this, and you’re having hurts, to surrender and hand your hurts to Jesus before it gets out of hand. God wants to restore us. I now thank God for what I went through so I am able to help people out. It all ended in glory for Him! Some days, I look at my scars, and Satan uses them to remind me of who I was. But, I am thankful for the days that I look at them, and God gently reminds me that I am not that person anymore. He has restored me in His image. He has made me perfect – scars, and all.
He wants us all to be restored. Surrender.
I hope this helps somebody. As painful as this was to write, I know that it will move somebody to turn to God. Share this with someone. You never know what can come out of something that looks broken right now.
-KrisNgozi
MAYOWA
Saying your testimony is hard, but writing it is even more difficult. Writing it makes your past so real, but then you are able to reflect on how the love of one man All God changed your life. Growing up in California with a single parent, allowed me a lot of freedom. Not having a great relationship with my Dad and being molested when I was younger made me extremely weary and distrustful of men. So it was easier to have a physical relationship with them, than to acknowledge my brokenness due to my father and past experiences. I was looking for a Savior and I didn't know it.
My first experience with drugs was in Spain, I was 14 at the time and at the program I went to everybody did drugs and smoked like it was nothing. I was always the person who did what others did without caring about the consequences. There I had my first experience with, drugs and alcohol. Alcohol was a stronghold in my life until I turned 22. It was an escape for what was missing in my life. As I grew up, I always thought I had it together and I had grew up with a sense of entitlement and pride. It was this drive to be what those around me wanted me to be and prove myself. On the outside I looked like I had it all together but I was literally just going through life with no direction. I was lonely, depressed, angry and selfish. I tried so hard to fit into this image that was suffocating me. Here I was this perfect girl on the outside but I wanted somebody to acknowledge my brokenness. I kept thinking by there had to be more to life, I hoped there was.
As I started college, I tried to find myself through causes and different religions like Spiritualism and Buddhism but they were fads, they would make give me a sense of peace for a bit then it would end, and I would move on to my next fix. The college atmosphere only intensified my dependence on alcohol. I couldn't go a couple days with alcohol, I didn't even like it I just needed an escape. I was so careless with it, I didn't care what happened to me. I was the girl to make sure a bottle was never left at the club. I was going aimlessly through life. Life constantly put me on edge.
My breakthrough came my senior year in college. I honestly can say my senior year was the worst year of my life. Here I was a college graduate unsure of what I was going to do after college, my friendships were a hot mess. I was just unsure in every area of my life and my depression was at an all time high. I felt the walls closing in. Then one day one of my closest friends invited me to Destiny Harvest Church for an event. I remember the day was October 20, 2012. When she invited me I was excited, almost expectant and I didn't know why. I don't even remember what they were talking about at the event but the way they talked about Jesus was a way I've never heard anybody talk about Him. They just talked about relationship and how God wants a personal relationship with us and how He sacrificed His son for Us. My mind was literally blown like who is God. When I asked that question God immediately began to work on my heart. I was wrecked, I was balling so hard and I hate crying but I was Undone! I needed to give my life to Jesus Christ, I needed to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Once I abandoned myself to God I was immediately filled with the Holy Spirit. Not only was I filled with the Holy Spirit but I received my tongues. Ever since then my uphill roller coaster began. It has been SO worth IT!!! Like I've never felt empty, my drive is for people to experience the Love of God. When people are going through depression, lack of identity, and are living life dead on the inside, They need to know Jesus came so that we would have life abundantly!! When I got saved I was on Fire for God. I didn't care what anybody said and I still done. Nobody can tell me my encounters with God aren't real. Everything He has told me has come to pass! The way He loves on me there is nothing like it, no person or thing can fill the void. People need to get Hip to Jesus. My worst day with Jesus will always be better than my best day without Him. I can't go back!
-Mayowa A.