JUM THE SAYAIN
“When You said “Seek my face,” my heart said, “Your face, I will seek.”
—Psalms 27:8
Hey, my name is Jummy (a.k.a. Jummy Blazington/Jumster/Jum the Sayain)
My life is pretty interesting: my past is pretty jacked up; my future plans aren't really there; and presently, I’m just drifting like a leaf in autumn. That was corny, I know, but take a listen:
I’m not supposed to be alive. My mom literally walked off the abortion table while she was pregnant with me. Out of the fear of me being labeled a bastard, her family members urged her to do away with the pregnancy before it was too late. But God is tight. He had her push through and keep me. Not too long after I was born, my mom played the Visa Lottery and won. Heh! What are the odds of my mother, the youngest of seven, the only one of her siblings without a spouse, to win the Visa Lottery, which would permit her and me to come to America.
As a youngster in America, I was quickly exposed to a lot of yuck. From the influence of family friends, and just life, I became a habitual liar, later on a thief, and soon after, a porn-addict. I had my first sexual encounter with a female at about the age of 6 or 7. It was with a babysitter, during a game of house. The second encounter probably came a few weeks after at daycare; the third, only a few days after. So before I actually knew what sex was, I had gotten relatively close to it three times. This cultivated a sex drive, likely, way before the appointed or publicly accepted time.
In the latter years of primary school, I began to have self-esteem issues. There wasn't a friend I had that I didn't end up fighting with, physically or verbally. I was always around those considered "popular", but I was never one of them. And although I was cool with the females I liked, I didn't have the confidence or really just the belief that I could talk to them. I saw myself as an ugly, short, dark-skinned, weird, and not well dressed boy. I know. I sucked right?
I believe three lusts followed after my three sexual encounters as a child. A lust for the female body, lust for sex, and a lust to be known. All three of these lusts were temporarily satisfied through porn and molestation of some of the younger females I was allowed to be around without adult supervision. At the age of 11, I got introduced to internet porn and masturbation, and man did that take my life away. Watching porn and masturbating allowed for me to escape reality and be with females who didn't know me. Although, they revealed their every being to me, and allowed me to simulate having sex with them, I still wasn't satisfied. I had to get it. But I was in a tough situation; I didn't know how to get it, aside from the females who I could easily take advantage of. So, I did just that. Most of them didn't know what I was doing, they didn't know I was defiling the pure bodies and intoxicating their minds. But I didn't know much better. I knew it was wrong, I just couldn't help it.
So when I got into high school, those situations had stopped, but the desire for a female sex-partner didn't. I got into high school, and quickly developed the mindset that "If I look like a badass, and talk like one, chicks will dig me." And I walked with this mindset from the summer of my ninth grade year probably up until the end of my junior year. And I think it worked, to a tee. I surely became more liked among females (the looks had started coming in), but I still wasn't getting what I wanted, so pornography remained a faithful partner.
I started dating a younger girl at the end of my sophomore year, she was an incoming freshmen. She wasn't going to give it up to me, plus her close cousin was one of my closer friends. But I developed the belief that I was in control in the relationship, and she'd do almost anything I wanted, apart from sex. My taste in the relationship quickly turned sour, I wasn't satisfied and just was tired of it. I broke up with her, and left with scars. Later on that year, I began dating a female, who I thought I truly loved. We were very much alike, in our tastes of music, fashion, and people (three aspects of life I love dearly), and she provided a same-aged partner who was willing to experiment with me. But this “love” I had for her, quickly revealed to be infatuation tattooed with lust of what she gave me.
The relationship ended in an interesting fashion: we graduated high school all lovey-dovey, but by July our talks were stale and more unfruitful than ever. We broke up on the morning of July 7th, 2012. Two hours after the heart aching break up, a man and his wife provided me with a prophecy that encouraged me beyond measures, all for simply holding the door for him and his wife. He said "You see this boy; he's gonna be something great in life. I can see it!" Talk about turning a frown upside down. I left the library practically cheesing over those words. And God would have it that later on that night; my church's Youthfest Conference was taking place. By the time that event was over, I found myself crying and confessing a love to Jesus that I never knew I had.
It was that night I chose to begin seeking God. It was that very night that my heart awakened to seek His face. From then on, a love that SURPASSES ALL knowledge has governed my life and a peace that PASSES ALL understanding has been with me. I've been delivered from pornography, lying, bitterness, self-hatred, malice, depression, immaturity, and many other things...yet I'm still being delivered from much (cause y'know I'm still a wreck, but God's got it!).
I know who I am: I am Jummy O. A young son of God, who is crazy loaded [with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3) and everything pertaining to life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3)], I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)...All of this through Christ. I am goofy, loving, powerful, attractive, intelligent, and inspiring. But I can go on and on about me (as I’ve done here), but you probably won’t get the fullness of where I’m coming from until you experience this truth: "Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for you. He took all your ugliness, all your yuck, just so you could become presentable to God."
So in the midst of all my rambling, I encourage you to say "Yes" to God, even if you have already, say it one more time and allow His suffocating love to overtake you. Thank you and May God bless you real good.
With that glorious love,
-Jum the Sayain.