I Love You Man
You know what's unfortunate? Sometimes in society brotherly love is looked at as strange. Legitimately, in some communities and cultures it is weird for males to show affection towards each other. I know, when you hear the word affection you MAY hear: mushy touching or obsessive complimenting, but that is not what it means. Affection is a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something. Not "like like" but like. As in, I like being around you. I have brothers that I like, and even love honestly and I have no problem showing that. It took a while for me to get here though.
This whole topic makes me think about my little brother. I remember my freshman year when I was talking to him, who is six years younger than me. I was on the phone with him and I said, “Alright, see you later. I love you.” His response was “…good bye.” Haha. Knowing us now, you would never think we had a hard time sharing love. Neither of us had a father to show us that being a loving male was ok.
Side note: We as guys find it extremely easy to show women love, when sometimes it's our brothers who need it the most. This is because a lot of us grew up without fatherly affection and without recognizing that we actually need that affirmation from our brothers.
Ok, back to my story. Once I made it my mission to become an actual loving big brother, I began doing things like complimenting my brother, correcting him with love, encouraging him and becoming inclusive of the things going on in his life. I started to see a shift. You should see us now, he is usually attacking me with a hug and sometimes spontaneously says “I love you man.” Or when I travel, we’ve told each other—Disclaimer: this is an article discussing why bromance is acceptable and even encouraged-- Or when I travel, we call each other just to talk. This isn’t a thing I only keep with my brother. Whenever my best male friends haven’t seen each other in a while, we tell each other we missed each other and sometimes…we hug. Yes…no dap, just hug. I have a girlfriend and she loves me and I love her. Its not gay or weird. It’s affection and intention. Now I’m not saying that every guy will go to this extent, but my point is to more so be comfortable showing your brothers love.
A story that always captivated me was that of David and Jonathan. They loved each other deeply. If you read 1 Samuel 18:1, you see that Jonathan loved David as his own soul. Not only did they love each other, but they sacrificed and looked out for each other. Ask yourself this question:
Well, are you? Or do you not care about your fellow brothers? Do you not want to see your fellow male succeed? Do you know want to help him grow? Help him build? Wouldn’t you like someone to do that for you? To stand with you when you go through things or would you rather be alone? How much stronger are you with you brothers beside you? Especially when they strengthen you with their love and support. Shout out to all you independent folks who believe you can do everything without help. A support system will always help you supersede what you can do on you own, when you have the right people. As a man show love, it will not only benefit you, but it will teach others. In your environment you are a leader, and being equipped with love makes you powerful.
As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17
Being a Man of God
“But you, O MAN OF GOD, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.”
1 Timothy 6:11 NKJV
Nowhere else in the New Testament is the term “Man of God” given to a man, but to Timothy. Crazy, right? So you mean to tell me, from Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, Paul, none of them were identified by this title? Haha, yes that is exactly what I am saying. I want you to go and search for yourself. Take an excursion through the New Testament and see if you can find the phrase Man of God being referenced to another man besides Timothy. What is it that makes him so special to the point where he was distinguished by the title Man of God? That’s just it--Timothy is not greater than Paul, John, or Luke. Just because they weren’t referenced directly as a Man of God, does not mean that they weren't men who knew God. The bible highlights that through their lifestyle they each lived as a “Man of God,” and that was sufficient. It is not the title that qualifies the man, but it is the man that bring depth to the title.
Pause. Before we dive too deep, let us focus on answering an essential question;
If we shared anything in common, the first thought that comes to my mind when I hear somebody being called a man of God is the paramount influence of a Christian man within the Christian community. Let me simplify–when I hear the phrase “Man of God,” I think of a Pastor. I found myself guilty of equating the label “Man of God” to that of Dragonball Z -- in order to be a “Man of God,” one must be at least on the level of super Saiyan three or greater. The sad reality is that many believers have the same mindset that I once had. We ascribe the label “Man of God” to the man more than we do to the Almighty God he is submitting to. The hard truth is our mindset has been positioned to believe that a “Man of God” is this influential guy that can out preach the best preacher. Contrary to popular belief the word of God does not define or identify a Man of God based on those attributes. There is a big difference between being gifted and being anointed. Oops, I need to pump my breaks. Let’s dissect this thing one step at a time.
John the Baptist definition of what a Man of God is so profound.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
John 3:30 NKJV
A lot of times we tend to over-complicate the word of God and therefore its application is rendered unless. It is very simple. A “Man of God” is a person who does the will of GOD. Very simple, but it is the shocking truth. If the identity of that title is not fixed on the man, then the attention must be shifted towards the great God. The verse is simply saying, a “Man of God” does not worry about displaying himself, but allowing the power of the Holy Ghost to manifest through him. It is not about how well I can display my intellectual opinion on a verse or how well I can speak, but it is simply about how much Christ can be displayed through me. Consider the function of a vessel.
If I was to buy a vessel and place it on a shelf and never use that vessel, that vessel is useless and irreverent because it is of no use. But now, let’s imagine that the President was coming over to visit my house and I want to make my house look good. So, I take the vessel that I placed on the shelf and put beautiful flowers in it. The vessel is now made of use and is worthy of honor because of my choice to place something of value inside of it. In that same manner, we ought to be. A man of God is only a man of God because God decides to entrust His work, which is of great honor, to ordinary people like us.
“But in a great house, there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
1 Timothy 2:20-22 NKJV
Often times we place an emphasis on certain attributes or abilities that we think will make us shine more as a Man of God. We try to pray a little harder, quote a little extra, or even preaching, and in that we try and display Christ. But the reality is that Christ does not need help to showcase Himself. He is already great enough to do that on His own. We are called to die to ourselves; passions, desires, emotions, insecurities in order to make room for Christ to display Himself through us. That’s what it means to be a Man of God.
“Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me”’
Luke 9:23 NKJV
David is an example of a Man of God. He was labeled as a man after God’s own heart. See, that title alone perfectly depicts the essence of being a Man of God; not after your heart or people’s heart, but a man after God’s heart. Do the will of the Father, then you will become somebody that looks like the Father. It’s not about age. It’s not about the leadership position(s). It’s simply whether God can trust you with His plans, and He desires to see them come to pass on earth. If it was about age and leadership title, then Timothy would have been disqualified a long time ago. Being a young person and also being a mentee to Paul, Timothy would have fallen short of the modern day requirements of beginning a Man of God. That’s just it. We have the wrong perception of what it looks like to be a Man of God.
So, I say unto you, the same thing Paul said to Timothy. “O MAN of GOD,” Renew your mind and drop the Christian community myth on what it means to be a Man of God. Simply embrace the biblical truth of the matter; anyone who does the will of the Father is considered to be a man that is trusted by the Lord. And He who is trusted by the Lord models out the label MAN of GOD.
Faithfulness
In recent times there’s been a lot of commotion around winning the billion-dollar lottery. I found it quite funny that folks were already making plans on how they would spend the money. The money that they don’t have…. But alas in the midst of this noise, I asked my Father if He would allow me to win this lottery. Thoughts and petitions fluttered my heart as I attempted to serenade Him with promises of:
Advancing His Kingdom
Giving to the poor
Quitting my job and diving into full-time ministry
Missions to the indigenous parts of the world
Fill in the blank with any Christian selfless action of generosity
Probably tired of my foolery, my Father asked a question that cut deep to the very core of my being.
In my relationship with Him, I’ve learned that with these type of questions, He’s really not looking for an immediate response. I like to call these “Selah moments.”
“You possess only what you have the ability to manage” - Bill Johnson
This principle can be applied to any area you feel as though you are “lacking.” Can I manage $100,000 right now? A million dollars? A billion? Can my character steward a ministry with regional influence? National influence? Global influence? If I were to get into a serious dating relationship, have I acquired the necessary skills to manage my inner life, my emotions, and my heart?
Instead of focusing on how we lack in certain areas, we need to turn to Him and prepare for abundance that’s on the horizon. Every time I complain or desire that I want more of x,y, or z, I always ask myself: Have I been faithful with that which I’ve been given? This is very crucial for every man. Through my study of scripture, as well as my own personal history with God, I’ve come to terms with the revelation that increase is always coupled with faithfulness. Favor and faithfulness are best friends.
Unfortunately, because of the rise of comparison through social media and celebrity hype, men are left with unrealistic standards of success, further perpetuating insecurities and stagnancy. Consequently, men are dis-empowered to be faithful stewards of the little because they are so focused on how much others have.
It’s natural to despise your tiny seeds, when your eyes are consumed with the abundant harvest of others.
Side-bar: The funny thing that I’ve come to realize is that the abundant harvest of others started from the tiny seeds you and I possess.
Men are visual beings. This is both a blessing and can be a curse. Focus and vision are the fuel to an unstoppable man. Likewise the enemy can and will use God-given eyes to send God’s men down a destructive path. Eyes filled with comparison will result to a heart full of jealousy. Jesus is whom our eyes as men should be set on. He is our standard. He is our measuring stick, not others. A vision that isn't fixed on Jesus, results to a life entrapped by comparison. The sad fact is that comparison is the murderer of joy. Eyes that are fixed on Him who is faithful, enables us to be faithful. We literally become, who we behold!
As of lately I have been recently reading the account of the man of God Daniel and there are several words Holy Spirit has been echoing in my heart.
If you read the life of Daniel, you will come to realize that this man obtained influence through consistently being the man who possessed the word of the Lord. Even when His life and the life of others were on the line, He produced. Finessed if you will. Even when He was threatened and thrown into the lion’s den, Daniel was faithful. Now you may ask, “How was this man able to be relentless in His devotion to God, even when they threaten to kill him for it?” “How was He able to consistently be the man who possessed the word of the Lord?” “How did Daniel rise to power and obtain the promotion to influence kings and nations?” A clue lies below...
Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went home. And in his upper room, with his windows open toward Jerusalem, he knelt down on his knees three times that day, and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as was his custom since his early days(youth).
Daniel 6:10
In the midst of conflict, Daniel had already been prepared to find His peace in the faithfulness of God. Daniel did not live out of reaction, but lived in response to the Father.
He did not fearfully run to the presence of God because of conflict. Rather he confidently rested in the presence because of consistency.
A man who is faithful in the secret place, will experience the God who is faithful to openly reward in the public. It is the faithful man behind the scenes that has the capacity to demonstrate the Faithful God before the world.
What is the number one fear wives possess? What is the top leadership characteristic that the world values? What does the world need in order to experience a sustainable revival on a global scale? Four words.
Here lies the solution to many of the world problems, faithfulness.
As Jesus would say, “it is He who is faithful with the little that can be trusted with the great. He who is dishonest with the little, will only be more dishonest with greater responsibilities and riches.”
The question that Heaven is asking you men is, “Can you be trusted?”
Modesty Unfolded: Sarah A.
What is Modesty to you?
I believe modesty starts from within, in my heart, and from there it is reflected in the way that I dress, my character, and other areas of my life. For the longest time I believed I was modest because I covered up and wore knee length skirts, but in my heart, I still desired to receive ungodly attention from guys and envy from girls. I appeared modest on the outside, but on the inside, it was a completely different story. Thank God for deliverance. Now I understand modesty to be an inward working. ‘As a man thinks in his heart, so is he,’ right? So modesty doesn’t start when I’m shopping or picking out an outfit, it starts in my heart, and in turn, what is in my heart is reflected in the clothes I decide to wear.
“Also, modestly does not mean boring or ugly. There is beauty in being able to express yourself through what you wear without having to unnecessarily expose yourself.”
How would you describe your style?
I would describe my style as simple, urban, chic, and comfy! I love being able to show my personality through my outfits, whether it be with a pop of color, print, or a statement piece.
How has your style changed once you started pursuing Christ?
My style has changed quite a bit since I started pursuing Christ and overall maturing as a woman of God. Before I gave my life to Christ, I didn’t have a set standard to look to so I found myself wearing all manner of things ranging from too short, to too tight, to just not right. After giving my life to Christ, the Holy Spirit really helped me with dressing in a way that aligns with my fashion sense but is also pleasing to God.
What are some things you take into consideration when shopping for clothes and getting dressed?
When shopping and getting dressed, I always go by the phrase “when in doubt, throw it out.” This goes for whether an outfit is appropriate, whether it’s worth the price, or whether I truly need it. I also like hitting up my friends for a second opinion. My best friend, Abby, and I always FaceTime each other when we can’t decide on an outfit. Like what do you think about this? Is this shirt too much? Pants or skirt? Heels or no heels? It always helps!
I also simply ask the Holy Spirit. Huh? Yeah! He is our helper and loves when we ask for help. On numerous occasions, the Holy Spirit has highlighted specific outfits or pieces for me to wear, and I always feel the best when wearing them because they are essentially hand-picked by heaven ;)
Where do you typically go shopping?
I like to shop at a variety of stores. Like most women, I enjoy shopping at Forever21, H&M, Asos, and Zara (when my bank account is willing), but I also love shopping at other retailers like Ross, Marshall’s, TJ Max, Plato’s Closet and THE THRIFT STORE. The thrift store is a major key y’all, not only because it is extremely affordable, but also because you get one-of-a-kind pieces and rare finds.
What is your typical Sarah outfit?
Hmmm… A typical Sarah outfit. Well, for everyday school, hanging out with friends, etc I’m usually wearing fitted jeans or slim fitting pants paired with some sort of button down or loose fitting shirt. I loooove button down shirts so you’ll probably catch me wearing one 9 times out of 10. Accessory wise, I typically keep it basic with a watch, studs, and a necklace. When it comes to special occasions, like birthday dinners and formal celebrations, my outfits are usually spontaneously put together, so every time is honestly something different.
What fashion statements are you fond of?
Hmmm, I’m fond of a lot, but I love all black/all white outfits, everything olive green, plaid/polka dot print, loafers, and pointed shoes!
“purity of motive doesn’t cancel the effect of your appearance.”
What is one fashion tip you would like to share with young adult women?
A tip I’m always giving is “purity of motive doesn’t cancel the effect of your appearance.” This quote stung a bit the first time I heard it, but it’s the truth man. In today’s society, the common idea is for responsibility to solely be placed on men and not women. i.e women should be free to do as they please, if a man stumbles it’s his fault, etc. But as women, I believe there is responsibility on our part as well. I don’t feel comfortable calling someone my brother in Christ knowing that what I’m wearing is causing him to stumble. Also as a worship leader, I never want to be in a place where my outfit is the center of attention when people should be engaging in worship.
Photos taken by Toyin Akinwande
My Choice to Trust
I was always considered the good girl amongst my group of friends growing up. I rarely indulged in illegal activities or things that I felt were against my character. Although my mom raised me well with no help, but I still had hidden issues.
The issues that I struggled with felt and still feel so big sometimes. It used to seem like it was easier to continue ignoring it, but, as I am growing older I realize that ignoring my issues cause it to show up in another form. I’ve learned that the issue is only one thing: my lack of trust in God.
Whenever I knowingly sin, I used to find it overwhelmingly embarrassing to face God, people and even myself to deal with it. I tend to ignore it and managed to convince myself that the sin I committed is not something I would do, because it’s against my character. It’s against my character but I did it though, and so I needed to seek God and repent.
I felt like Eve. She hid from God, knowing that He would find her after she sinned. God knows my issue, so why can’t He just take it away? Why do I still need to confess? Why can’t He just magically make me trust Him? If I try trusting Him, will all my other problems go away? What if they don’t, will I have any reason to still trust Him?
I sinned because I did not trust God. I settled because I did not trust God. I’ve dealt with soul ties because I did not trust God.
I don’t think I understood, or trusted, how much God loves me, to be honest. If I trusted God I would not fear what I fear now. If I trusted God, I would not run away from Him when I sinned because I know that He will cleanse me. If I trusted God, I would not be unwilling to pray for a stranger or a friend who is sick or needs salvation. If I trusted God, I would be able to love and be loved unconditionally.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
Psalm 138: 17-18
If I could just focus on this scripture alone, if I could just focus on the precious thoughts that God has for me, there would be no space for self-doubt.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41: 10
If I could just apply this scripture in my life, there would be no space for fear or discouragement.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4: 6-7
If I could grasp the meaning of this scripture, the would be no space for worry.
My lack of trust is not because God has failed me, but it is because I have not comprehended how big God is, so the mediocre things I asked God for do not come to pass because He has far greater plans for my life. I may not see it now, but I have to know and believe that God knows best.
Now when I ask Jesus, “why nothing seems to be going my way?,” He replies,
“You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will” John 13:7.
And so all that is left to do is trust.
Sticks & Stones
As unique humans beings, we all receive and perceive love differently. Ideally, there are five ways we “receive” love from other people: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. My love language is words of affirmation (as well as quality time). But no really, I really admire and cherish people sharing their hearts about me, to me. To this day, I still have birthday and graduation cards that I read randomly to rehear people’s words of affection towards me. I’m that person who has a journal of recorded and documented prophesies.
Although receiving words of affirmation, is a way for me to experience God’s love through His people, they had started to become a snare in my walk as a believer. Words of affirmation are suppose to bring out the best in me, but instead they’ve revealed how ugly my heart really was.
I’m sure we’re all familiar with popular Christianese phrase “if you don’t live by the praise of man, you wouldn’t die by their criticisms.” I wish that was my case, but I was dying internally from the lack of affirmation. Weird, right? But the weird part was that I wasn’t looking for affirmation in the sense of people complimenting how amazing my outfit was, or how white my teeth were, or how beautiful I was. It was the lack of affirmation in ministry that was causing me to lose my grip on life and creating tension between the friends I served with and I.
A friend once said, “You can’t say you don’t deal with something anymore if the opportunity to do it hasn’t presented itself to test you.” Meaning that you could possibly still have something residing in your heart, but because there hasn’t been an incident to test you, that thing hasn’t had it chance to manifest itself in your outward actions. Capishe?
The opportunity to see the inner battles of my heart presented itself this past summer when I was asked to join my ministry's Discipleship leadership board as the administer director. I had been involved with the department for two years and was a by-product of the discipleship program, so I was honored and excited to continue serving, but also ecstatic that it was on a higher capacity. And the plus side was I was serving with some of my closest friends. But these weren’t just any friends. These were the people you called to lead bible study, or administer deliverance, or even for godly advice on everyday life situations. It is one thing to do life with people like this, but another to serve with them.
Now that the opportunity had presented itself, it was a matter of time before the heart issue manifested. So as I mentioned, I was the administrative director. With a distorted view, I found myself being frustrated because I was under the impression that my role was insignificant. I wasn’t leading the training calls and I wasn’t teaching, so I indirectly assumed I wasn’t an adequate teacher, which led to my childhood battle with speech insecurities to resurface. But mainly, I wasn’t being affirmed like the other leaders. All I seemed to be doing was sending emails. Because I had no one telling me the significance of my role, I began believing my role wasn’t significant. Because I failed to see the great need for it in the department, I didn't take full advantage of my role.
In December, a group of us were at IHOP-KC Onething Conference. It was during a worship set one night, when Misty Edward ministered “I Shall Not Want.” It was right there and then when God affirmed me. As Misty sang, I could feel God comfort me and also remove the insecurities I was dealing with. Even in the prophesy room, God spoke through two fatherly mannered men about things God delighted in me. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom indeed. I was free, or so I thought. Remember the opportunity had to presents itself for me to be tested.
The opportunity presented itself once again. And it led to jealousy and offense towards people I really loved. After a week of the frustration, I called my personal prophet. He said one thing that put a halt to my inner battle: “Ask God what He has for Olamide. You need God to tell you what He sees in you.” *Boom* Shots fired. Who got hit? I was silent. My issue was I needed to hear that I was valuable and needed; but my solution wasn’t found in man, it was literally found in Christ.
My life verse is Colossians 3:3
"For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
Well, my identity is hiding in Him as well.
“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!”
Psalm 139:17 NKJV
While recently studying the Book of John, the Holy Spirit highlighted how Jesus really wasn’t seeking public recognition, but was secure in His identity, because He knew where it lied. Jesus proclaimed to be the Son of God, but yet many people didn’t believe Him. Including His family.
“‘For no one does anything in secret while he himself seeks to be known openly. If You do these things, show Yourself to the world.’ For even His brothers did not believe in Him.”
John 7:4-6
But that’s the thing. Man will affirm you for what they see in public. We affirm traits we see people display and attributes they personify in their demeanor.
But God...God is different. He affirms us on what we do in the secret place, what we do in the heart. He affirms what is concealed to the human eye, revealing our inward nature and calling us by that. With God, it's not a matter of doing, but of simply being.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”
1st Samuel 16:17
“... and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”
Matthew 6:18
Affirmation from man is temporary, but affirmation from God is eternal, for two keys reasons: 1. God is not a man that he should (or even could) lie and 2. God’s word doesn’t come back void, but fulfilled.
But God will affirm you at the appointed time, and before the right people.
"When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, ‘This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’”
Matthew 3:16-17
How we receive love shapes and forms how we perceive the relationships we have. Once I knew the state of my heart, I was able to be vulnerable with those around me. I began to confess to my friends the battles I was secretly dealing with. With full transparency, I shared how I felt and was able to receive my much needed healing, peace, and assurance.
”Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.”
James 5:16
“Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”
Roman 8:30
Until the time, when God raises me up in His hands, I will be here dwelling in His Heart. There is no better feeling to know you are His and He is your’s.
![True Life: I didn't wake up like this [The story before the glory]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/54a8ad21e4b0970e0f17e95e/1458530765987-MU6NSV2IF1WIBGDN75J5/The+Story%281%29.png)
True Life: I didn't wake up like this [The story before the glory]
I woke up ugly actually. Dried up saliva marks. Bad breath. Flesh. My hair bonnet missing. Eye boogers. Swollen eyes. Flesh. Irritated. Moody. Did I say flesh?
The Christian world promotes an idea of transparency, but we often fail to do so. We project a false sense of perfection, while knowing that the only thing perfect about us is God. I fall prey to this too.
Lauren DeMoss Benson once said: "The only reason why the Proverbs 31 woman can be previewed as ’perfect’ is because she is a product of the God who lives within her. The only thing that's perfect about her is Him. She doesn't place her hope in her husband, her family or her looks, but in God." I have absolutely no goodness on my own, anything good or perfect about me is truly from God and His goodness towards me.
“The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.”
Psalm 145:9 (ESV)
People tend to perceive me as that “Christian girl” that always talks about Jesus. People most often identify me with adjectives and titles like “happy, joyful, kind, prayer warrior and woman of God,” but in this article, I would like to shed some light on “the story before the glory” and what the Lord takes me through in my walk with Him.
A lot of women in our generation desire the “glory” without the “story.” In other words, we want the end product without going through the process, but in this walk with Jesus, there are no shortcuts to glory. There is no product without a process.
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
James 1:2-4 (MSG)
Let me elaborate in a more relatable way ladies; it's like long, bouncy, shiny & soft Brazilian hair. People admire and compliment it, not knowing that the vendor was terrible. It started tangling by the second week, the shedding amount was ridiculous and you did so much just to get to how it is now. Or for my team naturals, who felt like I just spoke in tongues, you know when you see a bomb twist out and you're like “wow that twist out is so defined and fluffy,” not realizing that the girl you're admiring bought a $12 curl wax and spent 2 hours of her previous night to get it like that. Honey, there is a story before the glory. Can I get an amen?
*waits for congregation to respond*
Before any woman of God can ever be deemed as admirable before the public, she has to go through a process. Here are three major stories that I’m sharing, based on my experience with the Lord and His Word. These are stories that I have to go through on a daily basis (process) before the “glory” that everyone on the outside gets to see (product). All of these stories require obedience in order to truly walk out this relationship with the Lord. Before we can be transformed into His image, we have to first let Him in, listen to what He says and respond with a “yes, Lord,” giving him permission to move in his fullness and it reveals that he is truly the Ruler (Lord) of our lives.
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?
Luke 6:46 (ESV)
First Story: The story of Holiness
Before salvation, holiness was once a word that I wasn’t really familiar with. When I thought of holiness, I just imagined a halo above Mother Teresa. Holiness simply means “being set apart unto God.” It’s a war to live in this world as a young Christian female. I’m most often surrounded by a world that forces me to choose between itself and God when it comes to entertainment, fashion and conversations. I literally choose to neither respond to specific texts nor carry along with specific conversations, nor attend specific events because I know that it's not what the Lord has called me to do or be apart of.
The Lord makes us holy by His spirit; Jesus said that He was going to send us The “Holy” Spirit.
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”
John 14:26 (ESV)
In a world that’s full of “spirituals,” He could’ve just said He was going to send us his Spirit but He added “Holy” meaning His “set apart” Spirit--His Spirit that is not like any other spirit in this world. He sets us apart because He is already set apart.
It says in Philippians 2:13 “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”
“As for us, we can’t help but thank God for you, dear brothers and sisters loved by the Lord. We are always thankful that God chose you to be among the first to experience salvation—a salvation that came through the Spirit who makes you holy and through your belief in the truth.”
2 Thessalonians 2:13 (NLT)
Before any sort of “glory,” you have to allow the Holy Spirit to set you apart from the world.
“So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”
1 Peter 1:13-16 (NLT)
Second Story: The story of Sanctification
Ouch that hurts!
Do you think my heart naturally wakes up everyday and says "Good morning , beautiful birds! Hi beautiful family that I love ever so much! Jesus is awesome! Let me post something encouraging on Instagram today!" Some people are naturally perky, but I'm definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, some days I do wake up happy, but this isn't la la land. Most times I wake up like, "who's this knocking on my door?! ugh I hate waking up early. oh my gosh, I can't believe I have to do that today. Why is my eyeliner still on my eyes. Oh my gosh, it's raining." I have to make decisions everyday to deny myself and carry my cross and follow the Lord Jesus Christ, because when I wake up, my flesh wakes up too. So what do I do? What do you do? KILL IT. How do you kill it? Live by the power of the Holy Spirit, and the weapon of the Spirit is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:17)
For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live.
Romans 8:13 (NLT)
Sanctification is holiness in action and also working with God on our pursuit of holiness. When God sanctifies you, He goes through areas of your life that don’t look like Him and He molds them to reflect him. Here’s two out of a million examples; one would be as challenging as music. It was a big deal for me because it was painful to relinquish, but I gave it to God. Guess what? The Lord was sanctifying me to reflect Him and eventually I no longer desired to listen to those artists. The other can be as simple as waking up grumpy. As I read the word, the Lord began to renew my mind and show me that everyday is indeed a day that He has made, He is in control of everything and He is with me.
When you read His word and let the Lord in, that's when you will experience the power of God.
“May the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ”
1 Thessalonians 5:23 (ESV)
Third Story: The story of Surrendering
Despite how perfect my walk with the Lord may seem on social media or in fellowships, the Lord continuously reveals to me my heart, my rebellious ways and my tendencies to not desire to obey, forgive or rejoice in trials. Instead, sometimes I do want to be petty, respond in anger and irritation or text that boy the Lord told me NOT to. Sometimes I do want attention, sometimes I don’t want to lay my life down and sometimes I’m selfish.
Without Jesus and His grace, I might as well be the prodigal daughter every moment of the day.
Despite how perfect I may seem, the Lord reveals layers and layers of brokenness and hurts that I still carry. But do you know what separates me from who I was yesterday? Jesus. He doesn’t only show me how I’ve fallen short, but He shows me my identity and His love, strength and power. Jesus empowers me to walk in His righteousness. Jesus’ beauty transforms my rebellion to my surrender. I love Jesus so much, but it’s His love for me that draws my heart to surrender. He’s so good that even in my unrepentant state, He graces me to repent. Repentance simply means turning from sin and turning to God--but before you can do any turning, you have to first surrender. Surrendering is daily; the only way I can be deemed as “admirable” is because I’ve surrendered to the beauty and perfection of Jesus inside of me.
A life laid down is at risk of experiencing Jesus & his power.
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.”
Matthew 16:24 (NLT)
In Conclusion, as a young Christian female I am here to tell you that we haven’t arrived and as long as we're still on this earth, we never will arrive. In this walk with Jesus, there is always a story before the glory. Our glorious end product is to look like Christ. Allow him to take you through the process so you can have your own story and most confidently attain the end product, which is Jesus, your glory.
#BecomingHer Intro
When you were growing up, did you ever think about what it would be like to grow up? All the things you would experience? All the things you would accomplish? All the people you would encounter? What about being brought back to your true Father and experiencing a love that would never fail you?
When I was a girl, I never really thought about that, or about the idea of womanhood. I just knew I would grow up, but I never really knew what that would entail. Now that I’ve grown up and have been renewed in Christ, my biggest thought has been, “How I am growing in the woman that God has called me to be?”
This series, #BecomingHer, is more than just talking about the “ideals” of womanhood. It’s about shifting through our life experiences and learning from them as we become “her.” Her is not a standard made up by the world, or even Christian culture. Her is defined as whoever God has called you and purposed you to be, and thankfully that looks different for each of us.
We are all destined to walk in different paths, but each path includes walking in power, wholeness, grace, and a full understanding of His love for us. As His daughters, His greatest desire is that we would understand our identity in Him, and from that flourish into our purpose as daughters of the Kingdom.
As we launched this series, our desire was that we would just simply give you a glimpse into the lives of women who are in the process of #BecomingHer. As you walk with us on this journey, we want to hear your stories about how God is moving you into the talents, successes, purposes, and identity that He’s called you to.
Recognize your journey, and know that in this time, you are #BecomingHer.
The Pursuit: God’s Perspective
When we read Genesis, sometimes we forget how literal we’re supposed to take it. For example, in Genesis 1 verse 26 it says, “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature” ESV. We’ve read it a hundred times to the point where we’re desensitized to its message. We are made in the image of God, LITERALLY, not figuratively. You’re probably reading this and thinking, “We get it ma, get to the point.” It may take me a while to finally land, but follow me.
Okay, God made us after His likeness, and then we fell. Does that mean we stopped being the image of God? Well, not really, it actually means we forgot who we were. It’s like long-term amnesia. You're not acting like yourself because you lack true identity, So when you accept Jesus, you have this epiphany where you're reminded that you were made in God’s image and after His likeness. In 2nd Corinthians 3:18 Paul stated, “And all of us, as with unveiled face, continue to behold as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another.” The longer we’re saved, the more we begin to resemble God.
Alright, now that the foundation is down, we can get to the fun part. Being a woman created in His image is fun. When God created us in His image, there was no catch, and it was not a mistake. He purposefully created male and female. So the rest of this article is for women (guys, please keep reading. It’ll help you too). This is a series about women, and we were created after the image of God. But, what does that even mean? Do you recall a time in your life, where you were sitting, minding your business, until life came and gave you a wake-up call? Just last week you were doing #NoBoys2KForeva and you wake-up and your whole world is screaming #Boys2kForeverNdAlways please and thank you. Welp, that was a 180°. You were single and waiting, enjoying your singleness, and doing all the other single people phrases. So what happened? That deep yearning to be pursued starts to tug on your heartstrings. You’re stuck and you start recounting your mistakes and where you could have missed it. What if I told you, you didn’t sin, you didn’t backslide, and you're still single and content? That tug, and that yearn you feel is natural. It’s a reflection of God (remember we’re made in His image). God is all too familiar with that feeling. God felt that same feeling and even still feels it. God is neither male nor female, but our femininity and masculinity originates from God.
This helps in multiple ways, it teaches us how to manage that yearn, and it also helps us relate to God in a way unique to women.
You’re sitting in your room, in your #Boys2KForeva phase and you think to yourself, “all I’m asking for is a guy who is consistent and wants to be my bestie.“ Get this, God said the same thing. In Hosea 6:6 (MSG) He said, “I’m after love that lasts, not more religion. I want you to know God, not go to more prayer meetings.” God is doing #MyPeople2kForeva too, we can see the desire of His heart through this passage. Before Jesus came to die for us, those were dark and sad times. All God wanted was to be with us, but a lasting sacrifice had to be made in order for us to experience that same intimacy. All you want, is to be pursued and God can relate to that. All He wants is to be pursued and wanted. Seek God first. Pursue God the way you want to be pursued. We don’t get to pursue our husbands before courtship. We’re on the receiving end of the pursuit, but that feeling of wanting to be pursued might just be a feeling exclusive to femininity. You can give to God what you want to be given to you. Isn’t that exciting and fulfilling? When I discovered this, it opened up an intimacy with God that I never took advantage of. He’s more than just the “guy best friend” that we try to box Him into; He’s the best friend that we can relate with. The church of Ephesus committed one sin, “you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love]” Revelations 2:4 AMP. The feeling in this verse is all too familiar. You’ve felt it, and now you know your God feels it too. Chase after God with everything you have, it’ll offer a fulfillment that can’t be compared.
Lastly, understand that God wants to be pursued the same way you want to be pursued, helps make “the wait,” a little easier. Think about it. When you’re in the depth of your #ILoveBoys phase, you can whisper to God and He can laugh with you. He can comfort you in the way only He knows how. Trust me. I’ve read articles, books, and listened to sermons, anything that would make the wait easier. Until I l finally gave in. You’ve learned most of it, and you even put a majority of it into practice. You can’t make the wait any shorter or any less bumpy, but you can find solace in The One who can. God had to wait, God is still waiting. You think you have to wait 2 years 3 months and 23 days, but imagine having to wait centuries to be rekindled to the one whom your heart desires. Pretty inconceivable, right? This is where the masculinity of God really comes in. He can offer strength and even soothe your yearning heart. As a woman, protection and stability is like a pot of gold. God said He is not a man that He should lie. If He said it, it will come to pass. What did God say about your wait? Did He give you a scripture? A date maybe? God is speaking to your current situation. Hear what He has to say about your wait and stand on it.
“Thy word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against you”
Psalms 119:11
Lacking faith is weighty, a weight we can’t afford. Listen to what God is saying to you during your wait, hide it in your heart, and have faith towards it. “…And everything that does not come from faith is sin” Romans 14:23 NIV. In Luke 2:19 ESV it says that, “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” Treasure the word God has given to you and use your time while “waiting” to ponder on them. His promise prepares you for what’s to come.
In essence, women were made after the likeness of God; we can pursue God the way we want to be pursued because we know how it feels. God makes our pursuit easier because we’re able to grab hold of His promises. When you feel that yearn of pursuit, change it from feeling like you messed up, and use it to remind yourself that you’re Godly and you're feeling the very heart of God. Don’t wait on boys; wait on men. Men that pray for you, men that hear from God on behalf of you. It’s worth it, so very worth it.
Prodigal Daughter
“And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners and eateth with them.” | Luke 15:2, KJV
I’m grateful that Jesus received and still receives me. I am grateful that Jesus encourages me to eat when I don’t feel like eating. In the past, when I read or listened to the story of the prodigal son, my impression was that it relayed the story of the unbeliever who had no idea that he/she is actually a member of God’s family. Since my excursion outside the bounds of the familial household, I have come to realize that “The Prodigal Son” story relates to believers who lose sight of their identity and inheritance while in the Father’s house.
I received Christ as my Lord and Savior toward the end of my senior year of high school. My heart’s desire changed from a self-centered point of view to a Christ-centered one: I really just loved people and I wanted the Lord to be pleased with my life. In my search to know Christ better, I began reading the Bible and likewise began to understand some things. As I read, I became increasingly aware of my shortcomings and prayed for transformation in those areas. Though uncomfortable, this tension was fruitful because my heart was set on loving Christ. However, the more I began to serve in Christian leadership, the more my shortcomings overwhelmed me. As a leader, I began to unknowingly mix my love for God with a self-serving attitude, including, but not limited to, performing “good” deeds begrudgingly (as a leader I felt I couldn’t say ‘no,’ so I performed good deeds because I thought it was expected of me, but love was the missing ingredient in my actions). Also lying beneath a considerable portion of my actions was a desire to be recognized by my peers. That, combined with habits that were more difficult for me to renew my mind from, left me feeling defeated and used while living as a Christian. I didn’t understand why my Christian life seemed so colored with defeat when I was supposed to have victory.
“How can you be a Christian and do this? How can you be a Christian and say that?” These would be the thoughts that unraveled in my mind about myself. I was also convinced that other people thought similarly of me when I confessed my shortcomings to them. Eventually, I stopped confessing. When people asked how my walk (with the Lord) was going, I simply adopted generic Christian responses to avoid getting too deep with people I didn’t trust. Likewise, confounding thoughts would consume me about my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. How they could treat me a certain way and why they seemed to get away with things I felt I would be smited by God for, or shunned by man for, left me grappling with the thought, “is God good?” I didn’t think so. I was afraid of Him and my love was souring. I felt embittered toward God and man.
I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see Jesus or Father God rightly because of my deep-seated bitterness and fear—and that terrified me. As hard as I fought my feelings, the thoughts remained. I could not make myself see clearly. Before I became conscious of what was brewing in my heart, I heard the Lord tell me in worship to resign from all leadership positions in my Christian fellowships. I did not understand. The thought of me resigning from those positions made no sense to me. I thought that because I had intentional worship time and read my Bible twice a day, that my relationship with God was in good shape—that I was fine. However, I couldn’t shake that it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I left all but one fellowship because the fear of missing out (FOMO) was so strong in me. My FOMO almost kept me holding on to the things and people I needed to let go of in order to see and hear my Heavenly Father clearly.
It was now my senior year of college and I was no longer tethered to my leadership positions. I refused accountability because I felt abused by the people I had served with and wanted nothing to do with them or Christians in general. I downright ignored people’s text messages and phone calls. I did not want to be bothered living in a community of people who were constantly rubbing me the wrong way. “I was the victim and now I am free!” At least, that’s what I thought.
“And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.” | Luke 15:14, KJV
Really, I was in bondage. I couldn’t see my captivity because it was hidden from me in the guise of my victim mentality. During my final fall semester, I dabbled in my newfound “freedom.” I chose selfishness outright because it was time for me to focus on me and what I like to do. I was involved socially and finally doing better academically. My theme song for the year probably would have been “Can’t Tell Me Nothin,’” word to Kanye. Outwardly, I seemed to have moved on, but inwardly I was as stuck as I was before. My heart was aching, and life seemed so lackluster. Life, and living according to my own desires, did not taste as sweet and as fresh as I had imagined, but instead tasted bitter and stale. I knew God was the missing link, but I couldn’t figure out how to make the next move. I was stuck.
With the beginning of the spring semester, I was only beginning to see how deep the pit of despair had become. It was now apparent to me that I was on my last leg. I began making appearances at parties and drinking to forget my worries. Holy Spirit would gently say, “you don’t belong here,” and in response I would drink a little more to drown out His words. Every morning was a struggle to get out of bed, and every night was a struggle to fall asleep. Attacked with thoughts of deep sadness and anxiety, I just felt defeated, but had to keep on a straight face because—crazily enough—people were still coming to me for prayer and encouragement. I didn’t understand it and wanted to deter people from doing that because I was ashamed of how far I had visibly fallen. I think through those times God was affirming me, saying that I was still His child, despite me feeling orphaned.
“And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before thee. And am no longer worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.” Luke 15: 17-19, KJV
It was time to graduate and get to work. After graduation I began working in New York City. In this new environment, I purposed in my heart not to forsake fellowship with my brothers and sisters. Attending church and small group regularly encouraged my own repentance and desire to be honest with the Lord. I was surrounded by people who loved me back into the arms of Jesus. In retrospect, the Father loved me back into the family. By December, I was floored by the miracle Christ had done within me. A year ago, I was angry with God and His people. I did not want to be around either. A year later, my heart sees God as who he says He is, “a good Father,” and my fellow believers as my brothers and sisters. Though my family is not perfect, it’s truly okay because: (a.) neither am I; and (b.) the places where they are both strong and weak will encourage my perfecting to be more like Jesus, which is the goal. It’s miraculous, but only God could have transformed my perspective the way He has. I firmly believe that for me, it had to happen this way. If not, I probably would have been too prideful to see that God is truly who He says He is, and that He alone gives the increase.
Truly, everyone’s relationship and process with God occurs differently. There is no use comparing or criticizing. I implore those who read this to pray for people you don’t understand, especially if they profess to be saved. Pray for them sincerely because they could very well be in grave need of compassion. For those in a dark place like I was, or enjoying worldly delights that leave you feeling exhausted and anxious, I pray that you will see Abba rightly. His love for you makes Him sensitive to your faint desire for Him, even when you are far from Him. Compassion motivates Him to run towards you, to embrace you with His tender-loving kindness and mercy, even if you strongly believe you don’t deserve it (Luke 15:20-24). It’s okay, His love is actually for the undeserving.
Forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself: Hi, my name is Katrina, and I am the prodigal son…or rather, the prodigal daughter.
