The Pursuit: God’s Perspective
When we read Genesis, sometimes we forget how literal we’re supposed to take it. For example, in Genesis 1 verse 26 it says, “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature” ESV. We’ve read it a hundred times to the point where we’re desensitized to its message. We are made in the image of God, LITERALLY, not figuratively. You’re probably reading this and thinking, “We get it ma, get to the point.” It may take me a while to finally land, but follow me.
Okay, God made us after His likeness, and then we fell. Does that mean we stopped being the image of God? Well, not really, it actually means we forgot who we were. It’s like long-term amnesia. You're not acting like yourself because you lack true identity, So when you accept Jesus, you have this epiphany where you're reminded that you were made in God’s image and after His likeness. In 2nd Corinthians 3:18 Paul stated, “And all of us, as with unveiled face, continue to behold as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another.” The longer we’re saved, the more we begin to resemble God.
Alright, now that the foundation is down, we can get to the fun part. Being a woman created in His image is fun. When God created us in His image, there was no catch, and it was not a mistake. He purposefully created male and female. So the rest of this article is for women (guys, please keep reading. It’ll help you too). This is a series about women, and we were created after the image of God. But, what does that even mean? Do you recall a time in your life, where you were sitting, minding your business, until life came and gave you a wake-up call? Just last week you were doing #NoBoys2KForeva and you wake-up and your whole world is screaming #Boys2kForeverNdAlways please and thank you. Welp, that was a 180°. You were single and waiting, enjoying your singleness, and doing all the other single people phrases. So what happened? That deep yearning to be pursued starts to tug on your heartstrings. You’re stuck and you start recounting your mistakes and where you could have missed it. What if I told you, you didn’t sin, you didn’t backslide, and you're still single and content? That tug, and that yearn you feel is natural. It’s a reflection of God (remember we’re made in His image). God is all too familiar with that feeling. God felt that same feeling and even still feels it. God is neither male nor female, but our femininity and masculinity originates from God.
This helps in multiple ways, it teaches us how to manage that yearn, and it also helps us relate to God in a way unique to women.
You’re sitting in your room, in your #Boys2KForeva phase and you think to yourself, “all I’m asking for is a guy who is consistent and wants to be my bestie.“ Get this, God said the same thing. In Hosea 6:6 (MSG) He said, “I’m after love that lasts, not more religion. I want you to know God, not go to more prayer meetings.” God is doing #MyPeople2kForeva too, we can see the desire of His heart through this passage. Before Jesus came to die for us, those were dark and sad times. All God wanted was to be with us, but a lasting sacrifice had to be made in order for us to experience that same intimacy. All you want, is to be pursued and God can relate to that. All He wants is to be pursued and wanted. Seek God first. Pursue God the way you want to be pursued. We don’t get to pursue our husbands before courtship. We’re on the receiving end of the pursuit, but that feeling of wanting to be pursued might just be a feeling exclusive to femininity. You can give to God what you want to be given to you. Isn’t that exciting and fulfilling? When I discovered this, it opened up an intimacy with God that I never took advantage of. He’s more than just the “guy best friend” that we try to box Him into; He’s the best friend that we can relate with. The church of Ephesus committed one sin, “you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love]” Revelations 2:4 AMP. The feeling in this verse is all too familiar. You’ve felt it, and now you know your God feels it too. Chase after God with everything you have, it’ll offer a fulfillment that can’t be compared.
Lastly, understand that God wants to be pursued the same way you want to be pursued, helps make “the wait,” a little easier. Think about it. When you’re in the depth of your #ILoveBoys phase, you can whisper to God and He can laugh with you. He can comfort you in the way only He knows how. Trust me. I’ve read articles, books, and listened to sermons, anything that would make the wait easier. Until I l finally gave in. You’ve learned most of it, and you even put a majority of it into practice. You can’t make the wait any shorter or any less bumpy, but you can find solace in The One who can. God had to wait, God is still waiting. You think you have to wait 2 years 3 months and 23 days, but imagine having to wait centuries to be rekindled to the one whom your heart desires. Pretty inconceivable, right? This is where the masculinity of God really comes in. He can offer strength and even soothe your yearning heart. As a woman, protection and stability is like a pot of gold. God said He is not a man that He should lie. If He said it, it will come to pass. What did God say about your wait? Did He give you a scripture? A date maybe? God is speaking to your current situation. Hear what He has to say about your wait and stand on it.
“Thy word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against you”
Psalms 119:11
Lacking faith is weighty, a weight we can’t afford. Listen to what God is saying to you during your wait, hide it in your heart, and have faith towards it. “…And everything that does not come from faith is sin” Romans 14:23 NIV. In Luke 2:19 ESV it says that, “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” Treasure the word God has given to you and use your time while “waiting” to ponder on them. His promise prepares you for what’s to come.
In essence, women were made after the likeness of God; we can pursue God the way we want to be pursued because we know how it feels. God makes our pursuit easier because we’re able to grab hold of His promises. When you feel that yearn of pursuit, change it from feeling like you messed up, and use it to remind yourself that you’re Godly and you're feeling the very heart of God. Don’t wait on boys; wait on men. Men that pray for you, men that hear from God on behalf of you. It’s worth it, so very worth it.
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Brofriend: Moving From Brother In Christ To Boyfriend
So guys, do you have someone you like and are interested in? Read this real quick before you have another thought.
My girlfriend and I have been together and in courtship for a year and some change now. She is an extreme blessing to my life and assists me with all of the wild ambitions that my heart takes me towards, but it wasn’t a quick and easy process. We did not just meet, fall for each other, and then say “Hey! Let’s start courting!” It took much more than that. Hi, my name is Gabriel. I was once a “Brother in Christ”, but now I am a proud boyfriend.
Some of us have been single for so long, that it feels weird saying that we are someone’s “boyfriend” or “significant other”, and starting the process feels just as weird. When we find the person, who we think has potential to fill that spot, it’s not easy to initiate the process, but once you get your foot in the door, it almost feels like smooth sailing from there.
Well, I’m here to just talk about how to get your foot in the door. Before Deborah, there were some young women that I was interested in and sought after. I even had thoughts of building some kind of future with them, but the issue was with them……well the issue wasn’t with them, it was with me. I knew I liked them, but that was about it. I didn’t know what to do after that, but I knew one thing, I did not know how to use intention. Say it with me: Intention, intention, intention. Let’s say it together: intention.
So let me tell you a story: there once was a beautiful girl that I met at a friend’s birthday dinner, and I thought she was the best looking young lady. There was something about her that drew me to her. She had so many amazing qualities, was articulate and a bunch of other great things. When we spoke, my intention was not to try and make her anything. I just thought she looked really good and I knew I had to get her number because she had something refreshing about her. We talked every now and again, but as time went on, our conversations became deeper and deeper. We began to talk more and opened up in a way that exposed ourselves to one another. All the while, I didn’t notice until I really noticed that I was falling for this girl. I was excited to talk to her and she seemed to like talking to me and we did it so often, it became habitual. When we spoke to each other, she satisfied this thing in me and I liked that. The problem was that I had no idea what to do with it. I simply liked it. I enjoyed it. When we talked, I noticed that the sound of her voice would cause me to feel good. I knew that she would talk and tell me things that she wouldn’t tell anyone else. I truly enjoyed it, but this was the problem: I did nothing, but enjoy it. We were living in the moment and it felt good, but the moment lasted longer than it should have. There should have been a next step and I should have initiated it. I lived in the moment much too long with her.
Men listen. When God made us, He made us to be the pursuers, the initiators, and the ones to start this thing up. The usual process for dating regularly is for a guy to ask a girl out and not the other way around. With this girl, I just enjoyed her, I fantasized about what we could be even in the future and romanticized what it would be like to just be with her and have her as mine, but the problem was that I never communicated these things to her. I never initiated the next step of our relationship. Everything we did and said was assumed between us, there was no definition of what we actually were. We just went along with what we felt with no boundaries of where it began and where it ended. We did what we wanted and what we felt, and the worst part is that I told people I liked her and what I saw her as in my life, but I never shared these things with her. I feared to get out of the phase that we were in, everything felt good and I did not want that to change because we were “getting more serious.” It would be too risky to not tell her, so instead I just behaved as if things would naturally just take its course and we’d just end up together somehow.
Side Note: Gentleman, this is how you are destined to get “friend zoned.” Assuming that because you feel a certain way about someone and look at that person a certain way: 1. Does not mean that they know. 2. Does not mean they see how you treat them as unordinary from their other guy friends and 3. Does not mean that they will pick up on those clues and take it as you liking them. Sorry.
Assuming that they know. Nothing is just known, you usually have to be told for definite understanding and knowledge. If not, then you are left with an assumption and people usually don’t act on assumptions, its not safe.
Assuming they notice how you treat them. Just because you treat a girl a certain way, does not mean that they take it as you like them. They may just see you as a really nice guy and thats how you treat all your female friends. Just because you look at a girl a certain way, does not mean that you like her! I know, I know, a lot of movies have a third party that say “I see the way you look at her,” but that doesn’t mean it will be that way in real life. It just means you look at her in a certain way! Which brings me to my third point..
“Assuming they will pick up on the clues and take it as you liking them. The girl may even notice you treating her nicely or looking at her a certain way, but this DOES NOT mean that she will know automatically or even that she will assume that you like her and would like to date her. She may just think that this is who you are or wonder why you do it. Some people simply don’t catch on quickly. So to my guys and even girls, try not to get friendzoned. It has happened to me before and it really sucks. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.
As I reflect on the experience I had with the girl, I don’t ever believe we had an actual conversation about how we like each other (which I should have stepped up and started) or what we would like to do to be progressive with our feelings. Everything was caught up in our assumptions. There was really no sense of intention. In turn, this led to our downfall, a lack of a definition now caused a lack of intention and drew us apart. I was too immature to know what to do and how to do it. I did not know that as a man, I should step up and let her know my intentions and how I felt about her in order for us to progressively move forward. Because we had shared so many deep things with each other and had a relationship based on assumptions that were not controlled by boundaries that would protect us and our hearts, both of us dealt with a lot of hurt as the relationship fell apart and I know this pain all too well; Pain from experiences like this can discourage us so much that it affects our future relationships. I know some guy friends who won’t take the step of being intentional because they fear that if they do and it turns out to be wrong, then everyone will judge them or say negative things. As guys, we don’t want our character or anything else judged negatively, our ego hates it. This is why I recommend taking your time before you begin to share yourself and who you are with someone. And make sure you stay in a friend level until you know this person well enough to share your feelings and intentions with, so that you can then move forward if they feel the same way back. The Bible asks us:
“Can two walk together, unless they agree?”
Amos 3:3
When you have this conversation, you must prepare your heart for any possible outcomes because sometimes people won’t share the same feelings that you do or may not be in the place where they are ready to pursue a relationship. A lot of different factors can come into play. Make sure that you remain of a “friend” intimacy, meaning keep the boundaries that friends have and treating them like everyone else, before you go giving your heart and whole being to someone else. I say this because at times we use each other just to satisfy something, not knowing that the other person was looking for something more or less. Don’t be up late talking to her about your deepest dreams and desires, giving her special treatment, going above and beyond, or showing her extraordinary affection until you know the interest is mutual. There needs to be a clear conversation and conclusions made so that there is a basic understanding between the both of you. This is needed so that both of you are aware of how to move forward. You won’t know how to handle something if you don’t know what it is.
So guys once you establish that you want to pursue a relationship with her, be intentional. Pursue her! Not to sound barbaric, but when an animal is being hunted it knows, and when someone or something is being sought after they know as well. The desire is made known through the intention. If you make it clear that you are pursuing her, the woman will have an equal understanding of the matter. So as you two begin to grow closer (with the right boundaries in place, so no one goes too far too early), you can move comfortably knowing where your relationship stands as well as how you want to proceed in the future. Because of the purposefulness and intention of the predator or pursuer, it is clear what is going down.
My pastor recently said, “Men don’t value what we don’t pursue.” Upon knowing my girlfriend for a year and some change before I began “pursuing” her, she knew. Before we even decided to start talking, we had many intentional conversations about how we felt about one another, what we were looking for in a relationship, if we were ready, set up boundaries, and how we would communicate and move forward together. We spoke to mentor figures that we had to make sure that we were not just googly eyed at some person who looks good or dresses well (because we fulfill both of these things) and to ensure that we were somewhat prepared for what we desired to begin. I’m telling you, she could tell the difference and so could I. I told her what I felt for her and she told me she felt for me. Matthew 5:37 says:
“But let your Yes be Yes, and your No be no, For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
Matthew 5:37
With her, everything was different. I was intentional in treating her right and people could tell that I felt for her, without me saying anything. I let it be known with my actions. I was purposeful. And that’s what they really want out of us, to be intentional and purposeful, not to just enjoy their company in ways that satisfy our needs, and then move on to something else.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”.
Proverbs 4:23
So don’t just ask to “hang out,” ask her out on a date when thats what you mean, this is how she will be able to tell your intentions and not have to GUESS what you feel for her or if you even have feelings at all. Don’t send mixed signals or even tease her by going above and beyond at one point and then retracting that by being extremely minimal and distant from her. Women like consistency and that is not it. Wait until you're ready and know her well enough in friendship, then be intentional and ask her on a date, or tell her that you like her and would like to get to know her better. Just be clear and state your intentions from the beginning or from whatever point that they change. Then you go from there, and when/if that date kicks things off, hopefully it leads to more. As both experience and understand how each other feel, those things can now be managed instead of manipulated by one person. There’s no twist of the arm, no need to call the girl thirsty or pressed because the dynamic of your relationship is open and transparent; Nor is there a need for games or fights for power. So then if you’re like me when I did this with my girlfriend, you will want to move into courtship, which is a whole other environment, but lucky for you, Deborah and I will be soon be sharing what courtship looks like for us. So men, take this advice and remember to be intentional!
The Interesting Truth About Prayer: The Journey Of Prayer
A pastor once said, “Once God has spoken that something will happen or that He will do something, you don’t need to pray about it.” His reason for saying this is that God cannot lie (Numbers 23:19) and His Word will always accomplish whatever He intends it to (Isaiah 55:11). I agree with the pastor because it’s true, but it is not the entire truth; people often say you shouldn’t pray for what God has already given you. Again, I agree because this is true, but there is more to be understood about this. Even though God has spoken that something will happen, it is important for us to pray to Him about that thing for two main reasons: One, the Bible teaches us to put God in remembrance of His Word (Isaiah 43:26).
God isn’t unrighteous that He would forget His own Word, however, God is looking for partnership here on earth (2 Chronicles 16:9). He wants to know if we’re actually interested in doing this thing—I mean this Heaven come to Earth thing. Do you actually want to see His will be done in your lifetime? Or are you willing to let it pass you by and allow Him to manifest His promises in those to come after you? The reality is that God may promise me something today, but, because I did not put Him in remembrance of His Word, it may not come to pass until years after I’ve passed away. If so, He remains faithful to His word, because He did what He said He would—I just didn’t get to witness it. The story of Hezekiah reveals some of what I am saying, and you should check it out ☺.
The second reason to pray about things God has said will happen, is because sometimes the things God promises are conditional: take for example God’s promise to heal the land in 2 Chronicles 7:14:
14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Meet the “if.” The “if” provides a condition to the promise that He gives. In this case, the actual promise depends on “if” the people choose to “humble themselves, pray…” or not. In other cases, things, such as disobedience, un-forgiveness, or simply just a person’s character that isn’t ready to receive that blessing, may uphold the answer to a prayer. The truth is that, God’s Word(s) or promise(s) coming to pass in our life can sometimes be based on us continuing to believe what He said will happen; the point at which we stop believing His word, may be the point at which we disqualify ourselves from witnessing His glorious promise(s) (see 1 Corinthians 15:1-2 and Matthew 21:22).
A brief example of this is when God told the Israelites that they would inherit the promise land. Unfortunately, because the majority of the Israelites stopped believing in God, they didn’t enter the promise land. Only Joshua and Caleb’s families entered in because they CONTINUED TO BELIEVE all the way up until the fulfillment of the promise (read Hebrews 4). We see that the Word of God manifesting in their lives, was dependent on their ability to continue to believe.
This is why prayer is a place. When I enter into my place of prayer, I meet with God and I pray about the same things over and over sometimes—it’s not because I’m trying to persuade God to do something that He still has to think about; in fact, sometimes God will tell me beforehand, that He will do something and I still pray about it anyway—it’s not that I feel some special assurance, that once I pray, I expedite the process or even make Him want to do it more. When I run to my place of prayer, what I find is a memorial of who God is and what He has done.
PRAYER IS A PLACE! I’ve learned that praying for things that God has already given me, isn’t for His sake, but it’s for my sake. You see sometimes going through life or even throughout one’s day, one can get so caught up in what external circumstances reveal; God may have spoken one thing to you, but your circumstances tell you the exact opposite. This can be very discouraging.
Here’s an example: I recently prayed for a sister in Christ who was feeling ill. After we prayed her illness actually got worse. What do you think happened to my faith? I’ll tell you this much, my faith was NOT shaken! I ran to my place of prayer and began to feed off of God’s faithfulness. God has promised us healing in His Word, so it wasn’t that I didn’t pray according to God’s will. But in the midst of the adverse situation, I ran to my place of prayer to be reminded of who God was and what He had promised. Remember Genesis 28? Jacob built a memorial of where God had met Him and told him many promises. That memorial is like a place of prayer: a place where we can retreat when life tells us contrary to the promises and Word of God. Prayer is a place of refuge where we can remind God what He has said and more importantly remind ourselves in order to keep our faith strong. The memorial Jacob made was a place to remind Him of the encounter he had with the Living God. Anytime he returned to that memorial, he would remember what the Lord had promised Him and he would have the strength to continue to believe for it.
Acts 10:1-4 “There was a certain man in Caesarea called Cornelius, a centurion of the band called the Italian band, 2A devout man, and one that feared God with all his house, which gave much alms to the people, and prayed to God always. 3 He saw in a vision evidently about the ninth hour of the day an angel of God coming in to him, and saying unto him, ‘Cornelius. 4 And when he looked on him, he was afraid, and said, ‘What is it, Lord?’ And he said unto him, ‘Thy prayers and thine alms are come up for a memorial before God.”
Meet Cornelius. Cornelius is described as a man who prayed to God “always.” Don’t be discouraged if you pray to God about some of the same things over and over again, because there’s a good chance Cornelius did too. Now once God answers your prayer, you can chill out. If you read the entire chapter of Acts 10, you’ll find that Cornelius’ prayer was to see the message of salvation brought to the Gentiles. I’ll tell you a secret: whether or not Cornelius prayed to God about the gospel being brought to the Gentiles, God was going to do it anyways! We know this because it was prophesied about in the Old Testament that God would do so. Howbeit, Acts 10 lets us know that Cornelius’ prayers became a memorial before God! God took special notice of this man’s humility and faithfulness to praying for what was already God’s will.
Cornelius was desperate, hungry and thirsty to see God’s will be fulfilled. Not only that, but Cornelius was invested in seeing God’s will be done in his life; that’s why he continually prayed for it. As a result, Cornelius had a special experience when the angel of God encountered him. In addition to this special encounter, where God encouraged Cornelius, because Cornelius had spent time in his place of prayer seeking God’s will, he also received specific instructions on how to see God’s promise manifest. Can you believe that? God actually invited Cornelius on a step by step journey on how He was going to manifest the promise, all because Cornelius had spent time in his place of prayer, meeting with God.
Here’s the conclusion of the matter: Build your place of prayer by praying always. Everything can happen around you in life, but when you enter into prayer, your spirit connects with God in another place. In Psalm 77:6, David says that he communes in his own heart and his spirit makes diligent search. Prayer is a place that we go to when we turn into ourselves and commune with the God on the inside. Something happens when you get on your knees, close your eyes and begin to set your mind on God and begin to desire Him. When this happens, the real you is taken to another place. Your mind, will, and emotions melt in the presence of God and now your spirit is in full drive as you cry out to God for His help and His hand. In the place of prayer come stillness, order and relief. The reason why this happens is because when you pray with faith you enter into His presence. That’s the best place to be.
Oluwatobi Oke is a young entrepreneur from the University of Maryland College Park who is the CEO of Good Lord Clothing. He's the Vice President of Bethel Campus Fellowship and attends Hope Christian Church In Beltsville Md. He shares the Gospel through rap music and considers himself a worshipper rather than a rapper. Not to mention he plays the Congo's.