Lastly, Some Advice for the Fellas
I’m not old, but the Lord has made me some kind of wise. Wisdom didn’t magically fall into my head either, it came through experiences—some hard and some extensive, but I have used the ability to learn from mistakes and experiences to extract whatever I can. Through doing life with people, I have seen that there are a couple of important lessons to know as a man. Some things that have helped me and I believe will also help you.
Always Communicate
This may be one of the most important things in this article that you will read: communication is so important. Not only with your significant other but also with those around you. People define a man by his word at times, but our issue as men is that we don’t let out our words, so there is nothing to identify us by. But when you communicate things like your feelings, thoughts, and etc., you now allow people to either understand you or help them identify you, which makes people comfortable.
A lot of time we, as men, do not communicate what we feel and because of it, we don’t get our needs met. Needs like wanting to be loved, or wanting to be wanted, or even wanting help or assistance. It’s often believed that men expressing themselves is weak and only women are to really express how they feel, but it takes strength to express yourself. Only those who are confident can really do it. A great man communicates; That communication makes him great because it shows strength in being able to share who he is with those around him and the world.
Have Accountability
Here is something you may have heard, “you can’t do life alone.” Well it’s true; think about not only cutting off communication but then having no one close to you? No one to make you better, no one to be able to watch, encourage and help you? That’s the purpose that accountability holds. Everybody usually struggles with something; imagine how easy it gets when you allow someone in enough to hold you accountable. Everyone needs accountability, people to help you stay in bounds and check in on you and your progresses. I saw a quote that said,
“God is more concerned with our character than our comfort.”
Let’s say you deal with…oh let’s say…watching pornography as a believer and you have kept it a secret from all your close friends. Speaking as a male, sharing your struggle with a close brother can help you. Sin does better in the darkness, speaking figuratively and literally. The enemy doesn’t want to see you share your burden, he wants you to keep it to yourself. That way you are less likely to receive help because let’s be honest, most people don’t try to help with a problem they cannot see. A problem is usually solved when it is first recognized. You have to help those who hold you accountable recognize and see that you have issues in order for them to help. Choose your accountability carefully though, there are supposed to correct and lift you up, not condemn you.
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-2
Sharing your burden with someone who can keep you accountable, will keep you on your toes because that person is now cognizant of your struggle so they can help you. Remember, iron sharpens iron.
Manage
This is a very simple but powerful word. Management is very important for a man. Men were created to bring order. Think about Adam in the Garden of Eden and how God tasked him with naming the animals and taking care of the garden, in that he was building structure. There was a point in time where Moses had to have all of the Israelites in his care and the burden of watching over those people was too great for him. The bible tells us that his father-in-law, Jethro, taught him that he should appoint leaders under him so that he could better “manage” the people put in his care by the Lord. Upon him doing this, he faced less stress. Work smart, not hard.
Managing your life means being intentional with scheduling to eliminate idleness or even disorderliness. It also means clear communication with folks and never committing too big. What happens a lot is we as men sometimes have this “superhero” complex where we believe that we will make every single thing better if we involve ourselves but how effective are you when you are helping everything and being spread thin? Exactly. You’re most effective when you are in order and how do you gain order? With management.
Love Unconditionally, No Matter What
The last but the most important piece of advice that I can share is this, love unconditionally. Whether Christian or not, it will help you immensely in life. If you ever read the gospels in the bible, make sure you pay attention to how Jesus handles every situation with others that he encounters. He usually lacks hate and usually has a way of either improving or just plain handling a situation because of his love towards individuals. Love is meaning that you see the best in everyone you encounter. Mistakes are made, flaws are realized but the heart of a person is their best quality.
You know the saying “Real recognize real”? Well let’s say heart recognizes heart in a way that you can use yours to help bring out the best in someone. You can literally make someone better by loving them. Sometimes it’s hard because love is not always mushy words and feeling but sometimes its correction or sometimes it's denying a person of something so that they can see better. In any sense, whenever approaching someone or whenever a situation arises handle the situation with the mindset of looking out for the best of not only yourself but others. That’s love, you have to give.
Hopefully some of these words have added to you as a man or woman, I pray that the Lord helps you become better all around. Selah.
