Lastly, Some Advice for the Fellas
I’m not old, but the Lord has made me some kind of wise. Wisdom didn’t magically fall into my head either, it came through experiences—some hard and some extensive, but I have used the ability to learn from mistakes and experiences to extract whatever I can. Through doing life with people, I have seen that there are a couple of important lessons to know as a man. Some things that have helped me and I believe will also help you.
Always Communicate
This may be one of the most important things in this article that you will read: communication is so important. Not only with your significant other but also with those around you. People define a man by his word at times, but our issue as men is that we don’t let out our words, so there is nothing to identify us by. But when you communicate things like your feelings, thoughts, and etc., you now allow people to either understand you or help them identify you, which makes people comfortable.
A lot of time we, as men, do not communicate what we feel and because of it, we don’t get our needs met. Needs like wanting to be loved, or wanting to be wanted, or even wanting help or assistance. It’s often believed that men expressing themselves is weak and only women are to really express how they feel, but it takes strength to express yourself. Only those who are confident can really do it. A great man communicates; That communication makes him great because it shows strength in being able to share who he is with those around him and the world.
Have Accountability
Here is something you may have heard, “you can’t do life alone.” Well it’s true; think about not only cutting off communication but then having no one close to you? No one to make you better, no one to be able to watch, encourage and help you? That’s the purpose that accountability holds. Everybody usually struggles with something; imagine how easy it gets when you allow someone in enough to hold you accountable. Everyone needs accountability, people to help you stay in bounds and check in on you and your progresses. I saw a quote that said,
“God is more concerned with our character than our comfort.”
Let’s say you deal with…oh let’s say…watching pornography as a believer and you have kept it a secret from all your close friends. Speaking as a male, sharing your struggle with a close brother can help you. Sin does better in the darkness, speaking figuratively and literally. The enemy doesn’t want to see you share your burden, he wants you to keep it to yourself. That way you are less likely to receive help because let’s be honest, most people don’t try to help with a problem they cannot see. A problem is usually solved when it is first recognized. You have to help those who hold you accountable recognize and see that you have issues in order for them to help. Choose your accountability carefully though, there are supposed to correct and lift you up, not condemn you.
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-2
Sharing your burden with someone who can keep you accountable, will keep you on your toes because that person is now cognizant of your struggle so they can help you. Remember, iron sharpens iron.
Manage
This is a very simple but powerful word. Management is very important for a man. Men were created to bring order. Think about Adam in the Garden of Eden and how God tasked him with naming the animals and taking care of the garden, in that he was building structure. There was a point in time where Moses had to have all of the Israelites in his care and the burden of watching over those people was too great for him. The bible tells us that his father-in-law, Jethro, taught him that he should appoint leaders under him so that he could better “manage” the people put in his care by the Lord. Upon him doing this, he faced less stress. Work smart, not hard.
Managing your life means being intentional with scheduling to eliminate idleness or even disorderliness. It also means clear communication with folks and never committing too big. What happens a lot is we as men sometimes have this “superhero” complex where we believe that we will make every single thing better if we involve ourselves but how effective are you when you are helping everything and being spread thin? Exactly. You’re most effective when you are in order and how do you gain order? With management.
Love Unconditionally, No Matter What
The last but the most important piece of advice that I can share is this, love unconditionally. Whether Christian or not, it will help you immensely in life. If you ever read the gospels in the bible, make sure you pay attention to how Jesus handles every situation with others that he encounters. He usually lacks hate and usually has a way of either improving or just plain handling a situation because of his love towards individuals. Love is meaning that you see the best in everyone you encounter. Mistakes are made, flaws are realized but the heart of a person is their best quality.
You know the saying “Real recognize real”? Well let’s say heart recognizes heart in a way that you can use yours to help bring out the best in someone. You can literally make someone better by loving them. Sometimes it’s hard because love is not always mushy words and feeling but sometimes its correction or sometimes it's denying a person of something so that they can see better. In any sense, whenever approaching someone or whenever a situation arises handle the situation with the mindset of looking out for the best of not only yourself but others. That’s love, you have to give.
Hopefully some of these words have added to you as a man or woman, I pray that the Lord helps you become better all around. Selah.
I Love You Man
You know what's unfortunate? Sometimes in society brotherly love is looked at as strange. Legitimately, in some communities and cultures it is weird for males to show affection towards each other. I know, when you hear the word affection you MAY hear: mushy touching or obsessive complimenting, but that is not what it means. Affection is a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something. Not "like like" but like. As in, I like being around you. I have brothers that I like, and even love honestly and I have no problem showing that. It took a while for me to get here though.
This whole topic makes me think about my little brother. I remember my freshman year when I was talking to him, who is six years younger than me. I was on the phone with him and I said, “Alright, see you later. I love you.” His response was “…good bye.” Haha. Knowing us now, you would never think we had a hard time sharing love. Neither of us had a father to show us that being a loving male was ok.
Side note: We as guys find it extremely easy to show women love, when sometimes it's our brothers who need it the most. This is because a lot of us grew up without fatherly affection and without recognizing that we actually need that affirmation from our brothers.
Ok, back to my story. Once I made it my mission to become an actual loving big brother, I began doing things like complimenting my brother, correcting him with love, encouraging him and becoming inclusive of the things going on in his life. I started to see a shift. You should see us now, he is usually attacking me with a hug and sometimes spontaneously says “I love you man.” Or when I travel, we’ve told each other—Disclaimer: this is an article discussing why bromance is acceptable and even encouraged-- Or when I travel, we call each other just to talk. This isn’t a thing I only keep with my brother. Whenever my best male friends haven’t seen each other in a while, we tell each other we missed each other and sometimes…we hug. Yes…no dap, just hug. I have a girlfriend and she loves me and I love her. Its not gay or weird. It’s affection and intention. Now I’m not saying that every guy will go to this extent, but my point is to more so be comfortable showing your brothers love.
A story that always captivated me was that of David and Jonathan. They loved each other deeply. If you read 1 Samuel 18:1, you see that Jonathan loved David as his own soul. Not only did they love each other, but they sacrificed and looked out for each other. Ask yourself this question:
Well, are you? Or do you not care about your fellow brothers? Do you not want to see your fellow male succeed? Do you know want to help him grow? Help him build? Wouldn’t you like someone to do that for you? To stand with you when you go through things or would you rather be alone? How much stronger are you with you brothers beside you? Especially when they strengthen you with their love and support. Shout out to all you independent folks who believe you can do everything without help. A support system will always help you supersede what you can do on you own, when you have the right people. As a man show love, it will not only benefit you, but it will teach others. In your environment you are a leader, and being equipped with love makes you powerful.
As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17
Being a Man of God
“But you, O MAN OF GOD, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.”
1 Timothy 6:11 NKJV
Nowhere else in the New Testament is the term “Man of God” given to a man, but to Timothy. Crazy, right? So you mean to tell me, from Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, Paul, none of them were identified by this title? Haha, yes that is exactly what I am saying. I want you to go and search for yourself. Take an excursion through the New Testament and see if you can find the phrase Man of God being referenced to another man besides Timothy. What is it that makes him so special to the point where he was distinguished by the title Man of God? That’s just it--Timothy is not greater than Paul, John, or Luke. Just because they weren’t referenced directly as a Man of God, does not mean that they weren't men who knew God. The bible highlights that through their lifestyle they each lived as a “Man of God,” and that was sufficient. It is not the title that qualifies the man, but it is the man that bring depth to the title.
Pause. Before we dive too deep, let us focus on answering an essential question;
If we shared anything in common, the first thought that comes to my mind when I hear somebody being called a man of God is the paramount influence of a Christian man within the Christian community. Let me simplify–when I hear the phrase “Man of God,” I think of a Pastor. I found myself guilty of equating the label “Man of God” to that of Dragonball Z -- in order to be a “Man of God,” one must be at least on the level of super Saiyan three or greater. The sad reality is that many believers have the same mindset that I once had. We ascribe the label “Man of God” to the man more than we do to the Almighty God he is submitting to. The hard truth is our mindset has been positioned to believe that a “Man of God” is this influential guy that can out preach the best preacher. Contrary to popular belief the word of God does not define or identify a Man of God based on those attributes. There is a big difference between being gifted and being anointed. Oops, I need to pump my breaks. Let’s dissect this thing one step at a time.
John the Baptist definition of what a Man of God is so profound.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
John 3:30 NKJV
A lot of times we tend to over-complicate the word of God and therefore its application is rendered unless. It is very simple. A “Man of God” is a person who does the will of GOD. Very simple, but it is the shocking truth. If the identity of that title is not fixed on the man, then the attention must be shifted towards the great God. The verse is simply saying, a “Man of God” does not worry about displaying himself, but allowing the power of the Holy Ghost to manifest through him. It is not about how well I can display my intellectual opinion on a verse or how well I can speak, but it is simply about how much Christ can be displayed through me. Consider the function of a vessel.
If I was to buy a vessel and place it on a shelf and never use that vessel, that vessel is useless and irreverent because it is of no use. But now, let’s imagine that the President was coming over to visit my house and I want to make my house look good. So, I take the vessel that I placed on the shelf and put beautiful flowers in it. The vessel is now made of use and is worthy of honor because of my choice to place something of value inside of it. In that same manner, we ought to be. A man of God is only a man of God because God decides to entrust His work, which is of great honor, to ordinary people like us.
“But in a great house, there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
1 Timothy 2:20-22 NKJV
Often times we place an emphasis on certain attributes or abilities that we think will make us shine more as a Man of God. We try to pray a little harder, quote a little extra, or even preaching, and in that we try and display Christ. But the reality is that Christ does not need help to showcase Himself. He is already great enough to do that on His own. We are called to die to ourselves; passions, desires, emotions, insecurities in order to make room for Christ to display Himself through us. That’s what it means to be a Man of God.
“Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me”’
Luke 9:23 NKJV
David is an example of a Man of God. He was labeled as a man after God’s own heart. See, that title alone perfectly depicts the essence of being a Man of God; not after your heart or people’s heart, but a man after God’s heart. Do the will of the Father, then you will become somebody that looks like the Father. It’s not about age. It’s not about the leadership position(s). It’s simply whether God can trust you with His plans, and He desires to see them come to pass on earth. If it was about age and leadership title, then Timothy would have been disqualified a long time ago. Being a young person and also being a mentee to Paul, Timothy would have fallen short of the modern day requirements of beginning a Man of God. That’s just it. We have the wrong perception of what it looks like to be a Man of God.
So, I say unto you, the same thing Paul said to Timothy. “O MAN of GOD,” Renew your mind and drop the Christian community myth on what it means to be a Man of God. Simply embrace the biblical truth of the matter; anyone who does the will of the Father is considered to be a man that is trusted by the Lord. And He who is trusted by the Lord models out the label MAN of GOD.
Faithfulness
In recent times there’s been a lot of commotion around winning the billion-dollar lottery. I found it quite funny that folks were already making plans on how they would spend the money. The money that they don’t have…. But alas in the midst of this noise, I asked my Father if He would allow me to win this lottery. Thoughts and petitions fluttered my heart as I attempted to serenade Him with promises of:
Advancing His Kingdom
Giving to the poor
Quitting my job and diving into full-time ministry
Missions to the indigenous parts of the world
Fill in the blank with any Christian selfless action of generosity
Probably tired of my foolery, my Father asked a question that cut deep to the very core of my being.
In my relationship with Him, I’ve learned that with these type of questions, He’s really not looking for an immediate response. I like to call these “Selah moments.”
“You possess only what you have the ability to manage” - Bill Johnson
This principle can be applied to any area you feel as though you are “lacking.” Can I manage $100,000 right now? A million dollars? A billion? Can my character steward a ministry with regional influence? National influence? Global influence? If I were to get into a serious dating relationship, have I acquired the necessary skills to manage my inner life, my emotions, and my heart?
Instead of focusing on how we lack in certain areas, we need to turn to Him and prepare for abundance that’s on the horizon. Every time I complain or desire that I want more of x,y, or z, I always ask myself: Have I been faithful with that which I’ve been given? This is very crucial for every man. Through my study of scripture, as well as my own personal history with God, I’ve come to terms with the revelation that increase is always coupled with faithfulness. Favor and faithfulness are best friends.
Unfortunately, because of the rise of comparison through social media and celebrity hype, men are left with unrealistic standards of success, further perpetuating insecurities and stagnancy. Consequently, men are dis-empowered to be faithful stewards of the little because they are so focused on how much others have.
It’s natural to despise your tiny seeds, when your eyes are consumed with the abundant harvest of others.
Side-bar: The funny thing that I’ve come to realize is that the abundant harvest of others started from the tiny seeds you and I possess.
Men are visual beings. This is both a blessing and can be a curse. Focus and vision are the fuel to an unstoppable man. Likewise the enemy can and will use God-given eyes to send God’s men down a destructive path. Eyes filled with comparison will result to a heart full of jealousy. Jesus is whom our eyes as men should be set on. He is our standard. He is our measuring stick, not others. A vision that isn't fixed on Jesus, results to a life entrapped by comparison. The sad fact is that comparison is the murderer of joy. Eyes that are fixed on Him who is faithful, enables us to be faithful. We literally become, who we behold!
As of lately I have been recently reading the account of the man of God Daniel and there are several words Holy Spirit has been echoing in my heart.
If you read the life of Daniel, you will come to realize that this man obtained influence through consistently being the man who possessed the word of the Lord. Even when His life and the life of others were on the line, He produced. Finessed if you will. Even when He was threatened and thrown into the lion’s den, Daniel was faithful. Now you may ask, “How was this man able to be relentless in His devotion to God, even when they threaten to kill him for it?” “How was He able to consistently be the man who possessed the word of the Lord?” “How did Daniel rise to power and obtain the promotion to influence kings and nations?” A clue lies below...
Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went home. And in his upper room, with his windows open toward Jerusalem, he knelt down on his knees three times that day, and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as was his custom since his early days(youth).
Daniel 6:10
In the midst of conflict, Daniel had already been prepared to find His peace in the faithfulness of God. Daniel did not live out of reaction, but lived in response to the Father.
He did not fearfully run to the presence of God because of conflict. Rather he confidently rested in the presence because of consistency.
A man who is faithful in the secret place, will experience the God who is faithful to openly reward in the public. It is the faithful man behind the scenes that has the capacity to demonstrate the Faithful God before the world.
What is the number one fear wives possess? What is the top leadership characteristic that the world values? What does the world need in order to experience a sustainable revival on a global scale? Four words.
Here lies the solution to many of the world problems, faithfulness.
As Jesus would say, “it is He who is faithful with the little that can be trusted with the great. He who is dishonest with the little, will only be more dishonest with greater responsibilities and riches.”