My Choice to Trust

I was always considered the good girl amongst my group of friends growing up. I rarely indulged in illegal activities or things that I felt were against my character. Although my mom raised me well with no help, but I still had hidden issues.

The issues that I struggled with felt and still feel so big sometimes. It used to seem like it was easier to continue ignoring it, but, as I am growing older I realize that ignoring my issues cause it to show up in another form. I’ve learned that the issue is only one thing: my lack of trust in God.

Whenever I knowingly sin, I used to find it overwhelmingly embarrassing to face God, people and even myself to deal with it. I tend to ignore it and managed to convince myself that the sin I committed is not something I would do, because it’s against my character. It’s against my character but I did it though, and so I needed to seek God and repent.

I felt like Eve. She hid from God, knowing that He would find her after she sinned. God knows my issue, so why can’t He just take it away? Why do I still need to confess? Why can’t He just magically make me trust Him? If I try trusting Him, will all my other problems go away? What if they don’t, will I have any reason to still trust Him?

I sinned because I did not trust God. I settled because I did not trust God. I’ve dealt with soul ties because I did not trust God.

I don’t think I understood, or trusted, how much God loves me, to be honest. If I trusted God I would not fear what I fear now. If I trusted God, I would not run away from Him when I sinned because I know that He will cleanse me. If I trusted God, I would not be unwilling to pray for a stranger or a friend who is sick or needs salvation. If I trusted God, I would be able to love and be loved unconditionally.

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How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

   They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

   they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

   you are still with me!

Psalm 138: 17-18

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If I could just focus on this scripture alone, if I could just focus on the precious thoughts that God has for me, there would be no space for self-doubt.

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Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41: 10

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If I could just apply this scripture in my life, there would be no space for fear or discouragement.

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Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 6-7

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If I could grasp the meaning of this scripture, the would be no space for worry.

My lack of trust is not because God has failed me, but it is because I have not comprehended how big God is, so the mediocre things I asked God for do not come to pass because He has far greater plans for my life. I may not see it now, but I have to know and believe that God knows best.

Now when I ask Jesus, “why nothing seems to be going my way?,” He replies,

“You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will” John 13:7.
 

And so all that is left to do is trust.

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THE LONGER ROAD TAKEN

Finally, graduation season is winding down and people are done having their many celebrations. I didn't mind because I don't have food in the house and their many celebrations had fed me through this tough time in my life, but I digress. It's so good seeing those that you love graduate, they have made it through that tough period and crossed the finish line. At the same time, if you were or are like me, then you will know that watching all your friends graduate, while you are just taking another summer vacation kind of, well, it sucks. You're so conflicted because they're crossing a finish line that you may or may not have any idea when you will cross it or even where it is for you.

Trust me, I understand. I'm 23 years old and am only a sophomore. Every time someone asks me what year I am, I cringe a bit inside. This is because when I say sophomore, I always think that they see a 19 year old or something. It's not bad being seen as 19, except I'm 23, so I'd rather not be seen that way. I have changed my major about 3-4 times, not even officially some of those times, sometimes just in my head. I think by the time I graduate, I would've been in undergrad for about 7 years and I'm not even an engineering study nor have I ever been a major that "should've taken" more than the typical 4 years. I have even been to graduations of people I consider younger brothers and sisters in the faith that I advise myself, but you know what, I'm completely happy with my situation and would go through it all over again if you asked me.

This is not necessarily an article, it's a piece to encourage those who are seeing their peers excel in a way that seems that they are surpassing you. I felt the exact same way. Only until recently did I really see that I was happy with where I am now. I am finally in a major that I LOVE and even in it, I have found opportunities that I love as far as internships and jobs. I don't think I would thrive in any other major the same way and I thank God because I learned so much in my, what seems to be long, process.

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For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11-13‬

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I clung to His words, I literally had to because I had no hope for myself at one point in time. I didn't know when I would finish school, but I knew I was in it and I hated it. What I hated more was seeing my friends complete it and recognize that I still had to be there.

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Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6-7‬

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I transferred into Howard University after about 2 years of being in school and all they accepted from me was 16 credits..........16?! I almost lost it in that office, but I remembered this verse, Philippians 4:6. It didn't solve my problems but it helped me to realize something, that God has everything in His hands, whether I chose to believe or not. A friend came to me and told me to see it in a way where I would go through it all again, but with knowledge from my mistakes and knowledge that I gained the years I had already been in school. This helped me because I saw that now I'm in a place where I have an advantage and was hungrier than those around me, which makes me stand out in certain environments. All this time, I looked at my situation the wrong way; I had always become sad when I thought about how I was still in school, but God spoke to me through someone and showed me to instead get the most out of it while I'm still here. I have the opportunity to build my resume, network more, get my GPA higher and and equip myself better because I still have the opportunity to do so.

If you’re in a similar situation as me or have had academic downfalls, don't think down on yourself or feel any kind of way. This article isn't to say that the rest of it will just be easy once you take it all to God, but you will know for a fact that He is helping you and that He will change things. I ended up not having to pay for the rest of my education and I'm thankful to God for that, but if I didn't go through what I went through in an academic dismissal from my original university, I would have maybe finished there with a major that I was iffy about, and would've had to resort to loans. So don't only be happy for your peers when they graduate, but also be happy for yourself knowing that you have more time to build and equip yourself for the "real world.” I have been told by many older than me to see my prolonged time as a blessing more than a curse, so I do that and it has helped me see things much better. I pray you do the same and if you need any kind of encouragement. please feel free to email us and let us know so that I or the rest of the team may encourage you!